Posted by Tamar on July 7, 2005, at 17:23:09
In reply to Is romantic love an illiusion or real?, posted by happyflower on July 7, 2005, at 11:26:20
> Romantic love, what is it? Is it a decision we make? There are so many people who think they are in love and get married. If it was real love, why does the love end? More marriages end in divorce and look how many stay married and aren't happy marriages. Yes, some people can't live together, but why when you get a divoce it changes your feelings? All of sudden, you hate the other person? Is true love real or just a decision we make? Why is love seems so tempermental? Do we really know what love is? Is love meant to last forever? Just doing so pondering...... what do you think?
>I think it’s not so much that the love ends, but that it changes. The buzz people get with a new partner fades away in time, but with any luck there’s still a mutual respect and understanding and investment in the other person. And, ideally, a kind of love that comes from really knowing the other person and going through good times and bad times together.
But during the bad times it can be hard to feel the love. Sometimes it’s hard to remain civil, let alone declare your love for your partner. I don’t know about you, but even when it was really difficult I still responded to the warmth of my partner’s body and the texture of his skin.
I’ve wanted to hurt my husband; for a time I thought I despised him and I wanted to make him suffer. That was back when I was feeling really sh*t about myself. The more I hated myself, the more I hated my husband, as if he were simply an extension of me, playing a role, and not an individual. I think I tried to hurt him as a way of trying to hurt myself. Fortunately, he didn’t leave me.
I think the love can come back again, even after it feels as if it’s over. There are ways to help it come back: spending time together as a couple without friends or children around; doing things together; even making lots of eye contact, and of course physical contact. I think it’s all about trying to re-establish a common purpose.
Marriage is really hard work! It seems so easy at the beginning, doesn’t it? But keeping a marriage going when things get tough is a huge challenge.
poster:Tamar
thread:524581
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050627/msgs/524679.html