Posted by crazyteresa on June 29, 2005, at 18:51:10
In reply to Re: anyone feel that their inlaw hates them? » happyflower, posted by Jazzed on June 29, 2005, at 8:05:58
Oh, Honey!
I have the same kind of MIL. She started off behind my husband's back then moved on to doing things in front of him. But then again, what should one expect from a woman who told her 9 yr. old son (my husband) since his dad was dead he would have to be the man of the house? He's still under the impression he has to take care of her even though she has been remarried for over 20 yrs!
All of the yrs. of begging and pleading with my husband to put an end to it were a waste of time. No amount of badgering can motivate a person to take action to make changes until they're willing to make them. And techincally, it's really between you and her.
Things finally came to a head one day when I could no longer tolerate what an evil bitch she was. I was very nice but frim, and she attacked me in front of our children, screaming, cussing, and crying. It was horrible. All my husband could do was stand there and watch. (I was really pissed, but looking back, it was probably the best thing that he stayed out of it.) We left her house and did not speak to her for 6 mos., until my husband invited them to Thanksgiving dinner. It was a tense but ok time.
Since then, she has been ok to me. It just seems that the more you let someone walk all over you, the harder they will stomp. Stand up for yourself and whether she likes it or not, she will have more respect for you.
Do you realize it is not your job in life to MAKE this woman happy? And that you can't MAKE someone like you? The book "Changes That Heal" could help you tremendously with this situation. I used to try to please everyone. Not doing so any more is so freeing! Also, my self-respect has increased--good for me, too bad for all the butts I used to kiss! ;~}
My MIL is still not a wonderful grandmother to my kids, still enjoys manipulating my husband and still is not my friend, but she is tolerable because now there are boundries which we both respect.
poster:crazyteresa
thread:520737
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050627/msgs/521207.html