Posted by TamaraJ on June 14, 2005, at 16:40:32
In reply to I threw old spice deodorant across the room, posted by sleepygirl on June 13, 2005, at 22:48:34
Just wanted to make sure you got some kind of a response. Although, coming from me, one of the most relationship challenged people around, not sure how useful it will be.
You know, sometimes we just have to throw something. I usually try to do it when nobody else is around, but I can understand your frustration and your need to get it out right then and there. Nobody, and especially a SO, should tell us our feelings and thoughts are irrational. Just because they don't conform with their thoughts and feelings, does not make them irrational. And, even if we admit silently to ourselves that they may be a bit irrational, that still doesn't give another person the right to trivialize our feelings. You know, I think he needs to examine his feelings and reactions, and try to understand why he is incapable of being compassionate and empathetic. We are human beings, and we are going to react to situations in sometimes emotional ways. That is usually a healthy thing to do, rather than keeping everything bottled up inside. Maybe you need to ask him why he is incapable of even trying to understand your feelings and provide you with some comfort during emotionally stressful times. As I have said, I am probably not the best equipped to provide relationship advice, but I think that being able to display REAL emotions and reactions would be important in a relationship. Relationships to me are about the good, the bad and the ugly, but with an over-arching theme of underlying love, in spite of the bad and the ugly.
I hope you can get him to understand that your reactions and emotions are as valid as his, and he needs to learn to be a bit more compassionate and understanding when you are going through a difficult time. In the meantime, invest in one of those blow-up bozo punching things and a dart board where you can proudly display one of his best pictures. When he trivializes your feelings, you can take it out on him without him even knowing it :-)
Take good care of you.
I'm afraid is OH SO FAMILIAR. Let's hear it for recreating the dysfunctional family environment wherever I may go.
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> Well for whatever that's worth I tried to explain my feelings about it, right or wrong, whatever. I'm ultra-sensitive about it so I very carefully and patiently try to EXPLAIN my feelings. There he sits with a look of disgust, pointing out to me how absolutely irrational I am, and again, YES AGAIN, how ridiculous my feelings are.
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> With that I said "F*ck you! This is why I never talk to you! You're so f*cking dismissive, and I'm so f*cking sick of it! etc." Well I never do get any sort of feedback from him except for the 'you're a weird disgusting alien variety'-so I threw it dammit! The old spice, the papers, the pens whatever small items I could, not AT him mind you. So we're not talking, and I will not be the one to "fix" this, apologize, or anything. I'm too freaking hurt, because he NEVER tries to understand me. I live a whole emotional life apart. I hate him right now. I want to throw lots and lots of things, actually at him. I want to play dodgeball against him, and hit him over and over and over and over.
poster:TamaraJ
thread:512354
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050531/msgs/512684.html