Posted by portage on June 11, 2005, at 23:56:19
In reply to i dont know, posted by portage on June 11, 2005, at 23:31:59
since i'm on a roll. i'm in love with a boy i might not see ever again; my sister is pregnant, in her 3rd trimester and i feel so awful for not being involved at all, i cant even pick up the phone to call her and i dont know why. from what i hear, she feels bad about herself, perhaps shes depressed and shes getting sick a lot and i'm not being a sister to her ..i cant tell any of these people how much i love them, and none of them even know me, and i dont know how to let anyone know me anymore. i'm an adult now, and my family has never known me. perhaps i was adopted, i feel like i dont belong. i live surrounded by people, but i live in isolation. i live surrounded by emotional outbursts but mute my own emotions and swallow them until my belly aches and my bodys numb and i have these horrible panic attacks in private. i take my fathers money for school, majot undecided, and get poor grades and disgrace him. i crash my car, he pays for it to be fixed, i fill my prescriptions, he pays for it, i get a traffic ticket, he pays for it. health insurance, dentist bills. and he gets nothing back from me, and can't tell him i love him and i dont. know. why.
i've been getting these weird, large ticks,sometimes spasms, in my legs mostly,and my cheek, and i'm on seroquel- i worry it may be TD.
i cut my shoulder last week, with a knife, i've never done that before, and wont again, and i dont know what came over me. self destruction. but its very deep, im worried it may get infected and it looks like it could use stitches, but i cant explain a cut like that to anyone.
holy cow. talk about my fuckedupness on a platter.
the most intimate secrets for anyone and everone to read, hopefully no one who knows me.
i guess i just needed to share. bottling up is my nasty habit, and explosions like this happen rarely.
poster:portage
thread:511304
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050531/msgs/511318.html