Posted by Larry Hoover on May 28, 2005, at 20:24:15
In reply to Re: If a Man » sunny10, posted by AdaGrace on May 27, 2005, at 9:22:37
> Actually at the moment, I didn't think he would hit me. I have experience lately the pounding of his fist into his other hand as he aproached me, and now this threat of "I aught to just hit you, that's what you deserve". The thing is, that part, I can deal with. I would dearly love for him to hit me actually. That gives me an excuse to kick his *ss out. But the acting like I am insane and laughing about it is what is really messing me up. I know what I heard. I know I am justified in being upset. I just can't take the laughing "Oh, you know I didn't mean it" sh*t that I alwasy get. It's a crazy mind game.
Combining my thoughts about this post and the first one.....
The threat of violence *is* violence.
I don't know a lot about your relationship, but I gather you are married to him?
That sure complicates things, because my advice would have been to obtain physical separation from him. Separate living quarters, in any case.
I don't know what he'd be willing to do, but I like the standard "Dear Abby" line. Suggest couple's counselling, and if he won't go, go yourself.
I get a very scary vibe off the whole thing. He's far too interested in your reaction to his behaviour. He's externalized his actions, making them about your reaction. It's a small step to blaming you for anything that might go wrong.
You're already changing your interaction with him, to avoid this vigilance. You're tolerating his emotional abuse, because of the implied physical threat. I don't see a rosey future.
Lar
poster:Larry Hoover
thread:503545
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050505/msgs/504430.html