Posted by cockeyed on May 15, 2005, at 23:21:58
I'm new and perhaps have some issues which don't quite fit or mesh...or whatever. but I can't even get in the dog house, much less get out. I'm one of those nasty creatures-a step-father.Now a step-grampa. And a fool. Fool, fool. fool. that's the way I'm treated by my family. But why not? I'm weird and they ain't.Of course I'm weird: I see a shrink, I'm in therapy, I'm disabled...and you know what: it's all in my mind. I don't count. I'm treated like a child...unless someone needs a baby sitter or a coupla cash dollars. But I get depressed. I have nothing to be depressed about, I got it made. Just because my chemistry is aberrant,well, that means nothing: I have no problems. When I'm in hell, so what? No body sees any flames. I don't work, I'm retired. I can't take a drink cause I'm an alky. When I'm sober I'm still an alky, still a jerk.
But I have a silly little problem. I'm pissed off. And When I get p.o.'d I bow my head and say amen, and amen again. Because I'm wrong.But lately I've been doing my thing. I can play guitar and I can sing, and I've started doing what I call art...and screw the fact that I don't care about our lawn or waxing the car every sunday for Jesus. And I won't step into church unless coerced: I'm one of them stupid catlick good boys seduced by the force-never sexually abused, but lied to and manipulated. So here I am writing this crap...it's after midnite but I'll go out and weild my sledge hammer and get the muscles twitching. I'm a grown boy and I'm getting worked up in a big, big way. I'm finally sick of family ties. But there's that anger that's going to alienate me because when I lose control, I become violent. I haven't done any damage for 12 years but, hey, tomorrow's a brand new day. My therapist has retired, my shrink's on vacation and I'm engaging in a detoxification...I'm poisoned by anger so I'm going to do something about it. BFD. that's my family's attitude. So I'm going to oblige them by ignoring them. I'll go thru the "love" thing and then, when it's over, I'll get over and do my thing. Jesus but this sounds so lame...still it's better to be typing than picking a fight with my son-in-law...fisticuffs can be fun...put uting up ones dukes and taking a shot in the gut is better than taking a shot of heaven hill...but unfortunately a punch out is not an option..so I'll take my punching to the tennis court or maybe the golf course. Oh, well, the family can go to hell. I consign them there in these ramblings. Getting my rocks off means splitting granite, literally. and typing at 12:17 AM. Whoopie, babysitting tomorrow. Fun, fun, fun. Egghead.
poster:cockeyed
thread:498340
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050505/msgs/498340.html