Posted by 10derheart on December 28, 2004, at 12:02:39
In reply to Re: letting others in..., posted by isg on December 28, 2004, at 4:30:21
> My experience dealing with women is that even when one is very close, it is better not to mention everything, especially those things that will be annoying or make one less desirable. Save that for your shrink.
I respectfully disagree with most of that opinion, if I understood it correctly. I do agree no person has to tell another - including therapists or s/o's *everything*, as in every single passing, private thought, dream or fantasy. We all need those things which are truly ours alone, or perhaps between us and God, if one's beliefs go that way. Even my former T. I was the closest to used to remark, "I don't expect you to tell me absolutely every thought and feeling."
But I disagree that the motivation for concealing things would be to be less annoying or more desireable to a partner. I'm probably especially uncomfortable with the part about being desireable or not. I feel this thought process can really lead to huge problems as a relationship deepens. If I must constantly worry that a mental health problem or weakness of mine will make me undesireable, and therefore presumably that person might leave me based on just knowing about it, I would never be secure in the relationship. I don't think I would want to be close or try to have a truly intimate, mature relationship with someone where this was always a present concern. I might try to *edit* things too much, leading to a lot of misconceptions and misunderstanding.
Just my 2 cents, of course.
poster:10derheart
thread:434868
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20041223/msgs/435000.html