Posted by Dinah on December 10, 2004, at 23:15:46
In reply to Recreating history - for Dinah (and everyone), posted by All Done on December 9, 2004, at 1:10:34
Oh my. That *does* sound like my mother.
I wouldn't suggest that others do as I do. Because I'm not always terribly kind to my mother. Basically my father and I have always dismissed her and her revised histories. Because they're so bizarre that they don't even deserve argument. Sometimes it's just to make herself look better (like with the hospice social worker the other day). But sometimes it's so senseless that it defies comprehension. Not unlike your temperature example.
So we either just roll our eyes and ignore her, or we tell her she's totally wrong and talk over her objections. Occasionally we might argue a point.
As I said, it's not particularly kind, and I'm not particularly proud of it. :( I suppose she deserves better from me just because she's my mother.
And this is a huge improvement from before I emotionally divorced her!!
A problem I've always had is when I try to get accurate information from her. I've got a whole system worked out as to whether or not to trust her information based on a number of factors. Like if it's a story that makes her not look good, it's more likely to be true. Does it fit in with my recollections? Is it in keeping with what I know about the people and things involved? Is it physically improbable? Since I have a keen interest in family stories and geneology, that's been a big challenge to me. I try to verify things with another relative.
Trouble is that she's right sometimes. If *everything* out of her mouth was incorrect, it'd be easier.
If I were to say what I should do, I'd probably say I should gently point out to her if I know she's wrong without belaboring it, and only if it was important or involved someone else collecting needed information. (You should hear her version of my father's medical history.) Otherwise, I should just ignore it. Not respond on the assumption it's true, of course, but ignore the untruths.
Does your mother's family have a history of mental illness? My mother's family has a history of psychosis either due to schizophrenia or manic depression. I'm not sure which. But because of that, I tend to think of her revisionist history as a symptom of a shadow form of mental illness. Oddly, that doesn't always make me feel more kindly disposed to her. Perhaps it scares me?
poster:Dinah
thread:426567
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20041207/msgs/427546.html