Posted by AdaGrace on November 26, 2004, at 17:56:06
I'm writing this letter to you on babble to save my pride from doing it in real life.
The fact that you didn't call me back when you said you would cut me like a knife.
The fact that you didn't give me a chance ripped me appart.
The fact that you cannot even achnowledge my existense, kills me period.
The things you said to me were beautiful, but apparently a lie.
I've never been in love before, and therefore I have never had a broken heart....but dear, mine is ripped to shreds.
I see her online everyday, probably talking to other guys, and I know she is going to hurt you, but you can't see it. You live in the here and now.
You made promisses to me and I made promisses to you. I inteded to keep mine, but you didn't really intend to keep yours at all.
It's all I can do to keep my head up day to day after what you have done to me. My self esteem was constantly in jeopardy even before I met you, and you fed on my insecurities, and you told me everything a woman wants to hear. And I fell for that.
Do you realize that even though I wasn't free, you kept the relationship going, you wanted this to be the way it was, but I guess you saw it as your way of something to fall back on when you couldn't find a bar fly to take home and do.Do you have any idea what this has done to me?
I feel like nothing, I feel ugly, fat, and unloved and unwanted. I can't even take the nice things that H says to me because of you, I can't believe anyone anymore.
I have never felt so abandoned in my life.
This was the first holiday we didn't talk, not a word from you. You have put me out of your mind, but I can't put you out of mine. I dream about you, you are the last thing I think of before I go to sleep and you are the first thing I think of when I wake up.
She's going to hut you, but you are so deparate for someone to be with that you chose her, from a bar, someone who has hurt you time and time again, someone who has called the police on you and accused you of beating her, when you didn't, and I truely believe that you didn't.....but you chose that, over me, over letting me fix my life and then come to you.You really didn't want me to come to you, did you. You just wanted me when noone else was available. And that makes me feel like such a fool.
Everyone knows that I love you. Everyone knows now, and it doesn't matter, because you reached into my heart, grabbed it by your hands and ripped it out and took my entire soul and being with it.
Devastating does not begin to describe how I feel. There had never been a time when a man made me feel this unloved, unwanted and unattractive. Untill now.
I have nothing left to give you even if you did show up at my doorstep, there is nothing left of me, and there is nothing left of us.When you look back on this, you will regret what you did to me, but it will be too late.
I'll never get over the hurt you have caused and I will never love again. Noone will ever get inside my heart again. 20 years from now, I will still be in love with you and hating my life, but you, you will have moved on.
Are you going to marry her? Probably so. Be sure to give her the ring you said you were going to buy for me.
I know you don't think of me like I think of you.
That last phone call, where I was hysterically crying, bet that was pretty scary to you. I bet you just wanted to get me off the phone as fast as you could, that's why you said you would call me that night. That's why you said you loved me. You just wanted to get me off the phone.
Well, guess what, I just want to get off this planet. I just want to end this pain. I just want to die. All I ever wanted was for you to love me the way I am. And even though you said it, time and time again...I know now that you didn't mean it.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you and everything you have done to me.
I hate everything you have said
I hate everything you have been.
And I hate me.
poster:AdaGrace
thread:420606
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20041118/msgs/420606.html