Posted by AdaGrace on November 24, 2004, at 6:22:54
I do so well, I try so hard to move on. All it takes is a song, a movie, a public display of affection seen, and I'm right back where I've always been.
Went to a concert last night. Shinedown....still have no idea who they are, but had a good time, didn't drink too much, but just enough to make the music reach into my heart and soul and remind me of things locked away.
So what do I do? I dial that number. I let the music play, and I feel tears in my eyes and I see the line go dead. Now this morning I realize that everytime I do that I back up to right where I was. One step forward and two steps back. This dance hurts way more than just my feet. And I can't stop hearing the music. I can't stop the dreams that haunt my nights, and I can't stop the tears when I sit alone in the dark in the middle of the night and hear that honeyed voice saying those words I loved so much.
"You are so beautiful", which should be followed by, "But not beautiful enough to keep my eyes from roaming"
"I'll never stop loving you" which should be followed by, "I'm just sleeping with her until we can be together"
"I'll wait for you forever, you'll never lose me", which should be followed by, "But I only meant that when I didn't have someone to come home to everynight who is cooking and cleaning for me and now working outside this little love nest and supporting me"
"Being with you was the most special time in my life", which should be followed by, "And I think of you everytime I am inside her"
God I hate him. I never thought I would, I though I loved him too much to ever hate, but now, I hate him. I hate him for what he has done to me. I hate him for what he made me feel. I hate him for invading my mind in my sleep. I hate him for telling me how he feels and apparently not meaning it. I hate him for saying he would call and never did. I hate him for making promises to me that he never kept and apparently didn't intend to. I hate. I hate so much.
poster:AdaGrace
thread:419642
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20041118/msgs/419642.html