Posted by AdaGrace on November 21, 2004, at 11:46:57
In reply to Re: You are definitely in the right place » thewrite1, posted by AdaGrace on November 21, 2004, at 11:02:24
First of all, this is a hard situation for anyone to deal with....believe me, I know some of what you are going through......
As i stated earlier, I have lived by "Baby's Mommy" for almost 20 years. It has been a rough ol' road to say the least. Why did I do it? I was young, thought I was in love, thought my family had disowned me for marrying outside the faith, and I believed everything I was told. I was never allowed to have a babysitter, "Baby's Mommy" would do it. Over the years she molded (or should I say tried to mold) my children into her own one by one. The only one she succeeded in doing that with was my youngest, and alas, I have lost her to the MIL. There were times in the early years where I wasn't "taking good enough care of her first born". I recall one scenario where she was on our bed "rubbing his tummy" when he was sick. I was deeply disturbed by this, but felt I had "made my bed" and now I must lie in it even if my MIL was there in it as well. It did take me several minutes to pick my jaw up off the floor. And of course I didnt' take care of my children well according to her either. Of course she is the reason they all have weight problems, but again, she did it better than me.....or so she thought. And yes, I was never defended by "Baby", but not just against her, but the entire family had top billing over me, then came the children, and I have always been third on the list.
Now, having said that, I do find staying away is the best policy. You would think that she would be here all the time. I feel that the distance I put between us as in "not answering her phone calls", not going over to her house, and hiding in the bathroom when she came over here" seriously helped my sanity. I will have to say that things have gotten better over time. I would love for you to say to your husband "Get some Canoles" but that is easier said than done. Fighting about it gets nowhere when the "baby" loves his mamma.
Sponging off you is inexcusable, to say the least. A young couple trying to make it in the world on their own is hard enough without having to support an "ADULT" set of parents. I would love to tell you to tell them to "GROW UP AND GET OUT OF YOUR LIFE" But alas, same scenario....easier said than done.
This is so hard. I don't know what to say to make you feel better, except that it does get better over time. I wish I had the "canoles" to tell my MIL and FIL to get lost, but I didn't. There are so many issues I could share with you, but it would only bring you down.
All I can say is hold your head up, be your own person and raise that baby the best you can and realize that "this too, shall pass" Your child will grow up knowing that his/her mother did the best she could and tried to be a diplomatic person in terrible strife.
I so feel for you.........talk to me some more and tell me how it's going.....
AdaGrace
poster:AdaGrace
thread:418349
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20041118/msgs/418610.html