Posted by thewrite1 on November 20, 2004, at 17:00:59
I have had a problem with my MIL since day one. My husband and I met in the military. We were both from the east coast. We dated for a year and got married. After the military, we decided to stay on the west coast. His parents would visit every year without fail and stay for a month, during which they would complain constantly. She's a clean freak and my house isn't up to her standards. We work odd hours and aren't off for holidays. So forth and so on. Plus, we were expected to not have sex while they were in our home. I sucked it all up and put on a happy face because I figured I still had 11 months of the year I didn't have to deal with them.
Fast forward to 5 years ago. She decided she just couldn't live so far from her son, so could they move out here and stay with us until they got on their feet? I wanted to say no. I knew it was a bad idea. How could I do that? It was his parents. So they moved in with us in our one bedroom apartment and she took a job at Target, which is not a job that would ever allow them to move out on their own. I wouldn't have minded that if she would have looked for other employment on her days off. Did she do that? No, she flittered off to the beach on those days as if she were on vacation. Meanwhile, they did not contribute one single dime to the household, not even for their own long distance phone calls. That went on for 10 months until there was so much tension in our home it was unbearable. The husband finally told them they were going to have to find their own place.
They moved an hour away and we made very little effort to see them. The complaining about not having holidays off continued even though they knew that was the case when they moved out here. There was constant badgering about a grandchild. We weren't ready for that and told them so for more than 9 years. The MIL went on endlessly about how helpful she'd be if we had a baby. We ignored her. Finally we decided we wanted a child and started looking for a house to buy. She begged and begged us to move close to her saying we'd get free babysitting and help with expenses and all kinds of stuff. We gave in because the price of homes is better in that area.
Guess how helpful she's been since we moved all the way out here? About as helpful as a rash. My husband has to commute 75 miles one way to work. We never see each other and I have no help in taking care of this baby. She helps out on weekends (during which I work), but she won't come out during the week because traffic is so bad. On the rare occasion she does come, she shows up after the baby's bedtime. She has no respect for his schedule.
Now she's decided that we're having Thanksgiving dinner here, which I have to prepare for. My house is trashed because I have an infant son and I get no help from anyone. I had to take off work today just so I could stay home and get it clean. She, of course, came over to pick up my son and felt the need to make a catty comment about how filthy it is. I really am at the end of my rope with her.
I've tried sucking up all her b.s. I try to let what she says go in one ear and out the other. My husband will not stand up to her. They come in here and try to tell us what to do in our own home. I really feel like I'm going to have a nervous breakdown (or heart attack) trying to not lose my temper on her. I honestly do not know what to do.
I don't even know if this is the right place for this. What I have with my MIL is a relationship, so maybe I'm in the right place. I doubt anyone else has any answers, but it felt good to get this out there.
poster:thewrite1
thread:418349
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20041118/msgs/418349.html