Posted by just plain jane on November 20, 2004, at 13:35:27
Hi, My name's Jane and I'm an alcoholic.
OOPS, wrong forum.
OK
RELATIONSHIPS AS I SEE THEM TODAY
by just plain janeOnce upon a time, 587 months ago, I was born into a family who did not want another child and please, God, if we have to, make it a boy.
I'm not a boy. A "tomboy" most would say, I just say, "myself". But definitely not the boy.
In my childhood my innate blessing (gift) of communing with animals comforted me when my social attempts to behave "right" failed.
The most wonderful thing that came out of my mother's mouth (almost the only nice thing) was when she would bellow: "When you're all grown up and have your own house and your own way to take care of them, you can have all the animals you want and nobody will care."
ALLLLLRIIIIGHTTT!!!!
I grew up with faith that I could do that. My personal spiritual faith is the only trust, the only faith stronger than my faith in sharing love with animals.
Now, I know my mom's line was BS, because she will gripe about my lifestyle, and most people find a family of three adult and two seven month old dogs, four two week old puppies (who will not be leaving home), three horses, and one cat a little odd, repellent, offensive, socially unacceptable, unless you are making money as a breeder.
These are static numbers, for the time being.In my thirty-five years of romantic potential, I have been involved in nine cohabitant relationships lasting between one-and-one-half years and twelve years. Five of them were "marriages". There have also been short term relationships, probably twice as many.
Apart from having my son, there has been only one (the first) who accepted me as the person I am. Who did not try, at some point, to change me into at least a part time Barbie for them to impress the world with. I heard a lot of, "Oh, you are so beautiful when you get cleaned up (as in put on makeup and casual to formal clothes, other than jeans or overalls). I only got that way in some misguided effort to give them the gift they had asked for. It's nice to know I am not so unattractive as to nauseate people, since the message from birth was "you're so ugly", but I don't care about being pretty, gorgeous, sexy. And they always want me to do it more often.
In effect, they want me to change who I am in the aspect of my visually perceived persona. That is a colossal lie for me. It makes me very uncomfortable to be disguising myself just so people will like me. So it's rare that I would do it now. Like, I own a little makeup pouch that has stuff in it three years old to twenty years old.
Sharing my life with thirteen animals of species drastically different than mine means I have thirteen "significant others" with whom I am relating.
Power challenges occur, yes, even with me. I do always reinforce my standing as family Alpha.
With human significant others the power struggles are usually constant, sometimes subconsciously played out, sometimes quite blatantly obvious.
My role as the responsible one, the one with the most authority, the one they can depend on and share their love with even when I'm angry, is who I am, with animals. They can not provide for and take care of themselves in a domestic life.
With humans, it is the opposite. I expect my counterpart(s) to exhibit their capabilities and share them freely. Ah, but that is not how it works. There is still the power problem, and myriad more, due to the complexity of human minds.
And so, the point I promised is that, even though I have not and do not desire another human significant other, those (animals) who are my significant family still present similar problems which must be WORKed out.
Lasting loving relationships do involve effort. Regardless of with whom.
If, as are most people, you (no one in specific) are intent on a relationship with a fellow human, there will be "work", much as I must work to communicate with my family, and they work to communicate with me.
It is mental/psychological/emotional work that must be SHARED, in order to be accomplished.
Can't get away from it, friends.
One point of view through my tiny peephole on the world.
just plain weird jane
poster:just plain jane
thread:418287
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20041118/msgs/418287.html