Posted by Pontormo on August 7, 2017, at 5:48:24
In reply to Re: 2017 till the future » Pontormo, posted by alexandra_k on August 5, 2017, at 3:57:33
The thing is, that you live in a world where people are fundamentally very selfish, hostile and destructive toward one another-- and if they aren't, it's only because they're covering it up and being phony.. It's a zero sum world where if someone else does well, or is satisfied, it must be because they''ve taken something from others, or demanded genuflection, or sucked up, or smiled and smiled but are really villainous--, and if you're in a situation with them, it's either them or you.
You don't seem to feel the reality of compassion, even if it's mediated by a screen of not yet knowing, or even not yet understanding you, of collaboration, of teamwork, and mutuality. I think that's what often constricts me when I read your posts about roommates, interactions at school, or with people whom you seem to be forced to see for help, or guidance. You always see to imagine that they have your worst interests at heart, and couldn't possibly be well-intentioned-- and you seem them as not as clever or as honest as you imagine that you're being. When they express any sort of helpful or pleasant, or friendly emotion, you immediately are on guard, because you know it's a fraud. But resentment and suspicion aren't any more honest than wishing to be of help, or neighborliness..
I myself have tended to live in a less hopeful and trusting world than I could, but I do realize that I"m creating that world where people are judging me and waiting for me to make a mistake, or are prone to looking down at me. I'm creating it, by living it, acting it out, and finally evoking it.
Not that people don't have the capacity to be unhelpful, indifferent, or even destructive toward others-- but always, it's an interaction. You (or I) act out our worlds, and people are acting out their worlds-- many of which are much more benign than the ones we chose to invoke, and provoke. And they can be influenced by our ill-will and stoniness., our demandingness or our belligerence.
I wish you could feel and sense better emotions in yourself and others. Or that you could sense how active a part you play in making people play that part for you-- but I guess it's always hard to see how we do that-- because it's so subtle and unconscious. I'm sorry I pick on you about it- because you remind me of my own way of making myself into a victim of others-- which isn't your fault.
I wish both of us could wake up from this deprived and self-denying view and see the potential and possibilities around us-- but it's something to work on and look for, I think.
poster:Pontormo
thread:1094235
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20161002/msgs/1094381.html