Posted by Tabitha on May 1, 2014, at 23:37:10
In reply to Re: Post therapy observations » Tabitha, posted by Dinah on May 1, 2014, at 22:01:21
> [...] Everyone was obligingly saying yes until I answered that I really didn't. Then others said they didn't either.
:-)
> Some of what your therapist did sounds like what my therapist did. It sounds as if your therapist could be genuinely helpful. But that her personal beliefs were different than yours (and sound a bit flaky) and she just couldn't let it go and accept that you felt differently. And perhaps her ability to help ran out before your therapy did.Thanks for validating the bit about personal beliefs. Even as I complain about hers, it's still hard to really feel Ok with my different point of view.
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> Maybe the conflicts between you settled into one of Harriet Lerner's dances. One of my therapist's better qualities was being willing to change the steps. Or maybe it was one of our therapy dyad's better qualities. I suspect either of us alone could easily got stuck in the traditional steps.I know she did change her approach, but it felt like it we were just not finding a new effective approach. It was really a long slow decline.
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> Have you been able to hold onto the good things? Like recognizing when you might be misjudging the motives of others? Do you ever find yourself doing that and needing someone to point it out to you? Or do you catch yourself and self correct?I think I'm much better about not getting out of shape over things I assume people are feeling. I do remember I've been wrong before and it's best to get more information. I even sometimes manage to ask for clarification or tell them what I was fearing without it sounding like an attack. :-)
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> I think ideally we're supposed to have to learn to do those things ourselves. But I suspect that under stress, I won't hold onto what I've learned very well and might need an outside point of view.
>Everyone devolves under stress, right? And I hope you can learn to draw from other outside points of view besides his.
> I'm not saying you aren't better off without her at this point. It does seem as if you had gotten to the point where she was no longer able to be helpful. But do you think it's possible that some of this thinking is influencing your overall view of therapy?
Yes it does sound like an example of that, doesn't it? I guess I was thinking I could feel exploited without really having to pin down whether I thought she was intentionally exploiting me. If I try to imagine her motive, I think she was just convinced the therapy was helpful, no matter how much I complained about it. I had been complaining all through therapy about not being comfortable with needing so much though, so maybe she didn't register a change. I guess what I really needed was just agreement that it was time to end, and she wouldn't give that, so I had to leave without her support. While facing cancer treatment.
> Perhaps not worth the cost. Or may have been worth the cost if we could just figure out the ideal moment to leave.
Nora Ephron said the last four years of therapy are wasted. That hits home, but of course it doesn't really help you figure out when you're at that point.
This has been a great discussion and I so appreciate your thoughts. We really had awful therapy terminations, didn't we?
poster:Tabitha
thread:1064984
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20140310/msgs/1065089.html