Posted by Dinah on March 20, 2014, at 18:30:14
In reply to Re: And that's it for me, guys. Bye. » Dinah Seeks Support, posted by SLS on March 13, 2014, at 22:42:21
The best way I can explain it is this. You're maybe almost ready to go away to college. Then you come home after a brief absence (I had to cancel my last session) to find out that your dearly loved mother has left you a note on the kitchen table saying that something is terribly wrong with her, and she's going away and doesn't know when she'll be back.
It doesn't even matter that I had one foot out the door, metaphorically. It's terrifying. I'm terrified for him, I'm terrified for me. And I'm angry he left an impersonal note that left me thinking he might be dying. Other people - people who know him only casually - know where he is, but they won't tell me. I'm left wondering if I missed something. Was something going on that I didn't notice because I was arriving late and missing sessions?
His phone is disconnected, and that one slim hope I had that he would one day return has been dashed. That one slim connection. As long as the phone message was there, I knew he hadn't totally disappeared. He was expecting to return.
Tools. Well, despite his feelings about Babble lately, he'd probably be happy that I reached out here. He always knew I was sometimes quite unkind to him here, and he was just glad I had somewhere to process my feelings.
It occurred to me earlier today that he'd likely tell me that story about the farmer.
http://www.rainbowbody.com/newarticles/farmerson.htm
Then I'd metaphorically put my hands on my hips and tell him that's awfully *convenient* for him. And that abandoning me can never be rationalized that way. That it was good for me to see him as long as he needed the income stream, but now "may be". And he'd likely laugh and acknowledge that it could look like that. And then tell the same story next time.
I miss him. I literally can't believe I'll never see him again. I literally can't believe our twenty years of fighting to relationship can end like this.
poster:Dinah
thread:1062006
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20140310/msgs/1062886.html