Posted by alexandra_k on June 27, 2013, at 19:40:46
In reply to Re: an ideal life..., posted by Dr. Bob on June 25, 2013, at 0:56:17
> How do you feel about the people here?
I think that the time / place a-synchronicity helps me feel connected to others in positive ways. I suppose because distance is already built in.
Unless we particularly learn otherwise I guess it is reasonable to assume that others are fairly much like oneself. I've come to realize that not everyone is a verbal communicator, like me, however.
In sport I met a lot of people who seemed incapable of listening / hearing / understanding / remembering / acting in accordance with a verbal message. Emails confused them. But they were able to successfully produce highly coordinated and organized group behavior on the playing field... Very quickly. With a new bunch of players... With a new game... communicating through gaze direction and nods and eyebrow raises. And f*ck*ng clicks for all I know.
I've met people in health who seem to do nothing aside from actively seek contact with each and every person, and emotionally resonate with all of them. I mean the actual words are besides the point. I learned. After much confusion when I'd been interacting with such people for concrete advise as to things like course selection... These people all know (osmosis?) when I get up in the morning, when I'm making my breakfast. They pretty much all know everything I do all the time... And... Of all the people in the world... They are pretty f*ck*ng good at steering clear of me until I've finished my breakfast. And then their initial interaction is sheepish and I feel bad for them that I'm such a f*ck*ng monster which makes me feel well disposed... Then we have a mutual smile and everyone can go about their day.
Which sort of works, actually.
I'm not entirely sure how such skills should be credited academically. I sort of think that such skills shouldn't be any more than my verbal skills should be credited for real time interaction on the sports field (for example) where they are entirely f*ck*ng useless.
But anyway...
People on these boards are verbal. Because it is a verbal mode of communication.
I am most used to people who are verbal. I feel... Effective in such an environment. I feel... Retarded around people who are differently social. Like an alien freak.
The social people are helping me somewhat. But it is hard for me.
I guess... It is good for me.
I've moved in with the Maaori's, you see. After my experience with Maaori foster carers from 14-16 (just before I was allowed to live independently) I've moved into accommodation which initially looked like student accommodation but now over time I am coming to see is more of a Marae with a few more walls about the place.
It is a sort of super-social environment. Poverty. But nobody drinks here (against the rules) and it is mostly people who are studying (at tech or a Wananga) and typically things like -- communication, counselling, film and tv / music, and of course sports sports sports sports sports.
They... Do look after me. By leaving me be. Ahaha.
Anyway... Communication skills. This is sort of about that, I guess. And... It is important to me. Once my thesis is done (particularly) it is important for the kind of life I want to lead who I want to be... The kind of well rounded I would like to embrace... The potential to genuinely help people... (To genuinely be helped by people). For it to be mutual in some way... Reciprocity is hard (for everyone, I'm learning - which helps me a great deal).
(There are indeed genuine issues around how you balance / integrate independence / dependence. team work, individual work. interpersonal communication, intrapersonal communication. everybody has the same, some people are deserving of / have earned more. sameness, difference.)
Here... It is the opposite of keeping up appearances. The kiwi way. Perhaps not so much anymore (but a little). Even more so with the Maaori aspect. The idea is that true worth is hidden away a bit. How come? Well, because you appreciate the value of it which is why you take care to protect it. So... Some of these people living in almost squalor (and genuine squalor in some instances) are actually fairly wealthy (in the cash flow in the old bank account) sense... It is that... Different things are important / valued. ANd mostly.. Everybody (appears to) have the same. WHich is about... Nothing. It is hard to explain... Sometimes I see a sense. A logic which isn't exactly logical ahaha. Othertimes. I don't see a sense. And it strikes me as... Tall poppy syndrome. Fear of acknowledging ones strengths / developing ones strengths / taking appropriate pride in ones accomplishments.
Hmm.
And now I think some more on the way of life... And people travel around a bit... Different communities (Maraes) set up round different parts of the country. And one might have a private house (or 2 or 3) by the beach or a lake or the woods or whatever for when one does want some solitude (or one might rock up and find so and so's second cousins unkle and his 14 kids sprawled about the place). It makes for an interesting life. With a lot of diversity. In a way.
Humility.
Pride.
There is a lot of both. I think... I like their blend, actually. Or more... It is me. I've incorporated it. And... I read something the other day about how Maaori are 'culturally advantaged'. And... I think... I think... I have a tendency to agree. That they should see it that way. And... I'm not genetically Maaori... But that doesn't seem to matter to them. Which is the way it has always been. ANd one can say 'they should have bloody learned'. But on the other hand... The treaty and all... Getting back the land (more Marae's about the country in beautiful parts of it). Can't all be bad...
It is important for me to broaden out and do things that are uncomfortable for me... But it is also important for me to spend time with people who are more like me. To help me feel that I am okay, I guess. It is funny, isn't it.. that need to be like others. To feel accepted by others (on some level).
I guess that is what makes us human.
I should probably stay here.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1034263
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20130309/msgs/1045994.html