Posted by floatingbridge on August 21, 2011, at 21:48:46
I imagine the collective experience here is extensive and nuanced. I am having thoughts that seem new to me in frequency and are very distressful. I keep hearing myself say I wish I was dead. I am frightened because I don't want this thought to make a groove in my brain. I don't know what to do with it. It has roots in childhood, but for the majority of my life has not appeared except maybe twice. Once before my only hospitalization. But I didn't do anything or plan. It was only a thought, but very painful. I still wouldn't act on it. I just want it to stop.
I have dealt with all kinds of negative thoughts, successfully or not. I guess I need to tell my therapist and my pdoc. But how in a way that doesn't alarm them? They don't know me. I am showing up to new treatment with this crazy low
baseline. I am scared. But I am also embarrassed. I feel
like I should suck it up, but don't know how. I keep saying
this is not me.I have done some dbt. It is hard to distract myself. Difficult
to be mindful. I have just survived one of the worst years of my life. I suppose this is the context, and under pressure, the
worst possible thoughts are most likely to appear.Has anyone had this sort of thought just go for days and days and then remit? How did you cope? I have gone for decades without this tape loop. Has anyone here used EMDR for this sort of repetitive thought? I have that available to me now.
I dig a pony.
poster:floatingbridge
thread:994499
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110706/msgs/994499.html