Posted by Lamdage on June 19, 2011, at 12:50:55
In reply to Re: Child Abuse/Familydysfunction.. lets chat » Lamdage, posted by larryhoover on June 18, 2011, at 19:44:11
> > Hey,
> >
> > im curious.. Are some of you willing to share their story/thoughts?
> >
> > 1. What impact did your parents (eventual) mistreatment have on your life?
>
> It had a profound effect on me, but more via negligence than by direct effect. I simply failed to learn how people interact in a healthy way. I had no guidance.
>
> > 2. Where you in denial about it? How did you discover your emotions/ resentment?
>
> I wasn't in denial. I was in ignorance. I simply didn't know what I didn't know. It took me many years of therapy to learn the difference between normal and typical. What I had experienced during my childhood was not typical, but it was normal for me. I had to be taught what "typical" was, so that I could begin to understand why I don't know things that my society would have expected me to know: appropriate things to do, things to say, ways of being.
>You mean taught in terms of working and practicing on a therapeutic relationship? I think this is key.. reparenting and uncovering unhealthy patterns type of therapy. I wish i had a therapist right now.. I had a sweet woman when i was still in the states. She helped big time.. it was with her that i discovered what im all about. Well i have to correct that: discovered alot of what im about, i dont think this task is finished. Well shes one of these women i like to call "angel" :)
> > 3. Do you still have contact with them? Did you forgive them? Why?/Why not?
>
> I can tell by your question that I am much older than you. Both of my parents have passed on. My mother was my abuser, both emotionally and physically. I learned that she may have been in some ways responding to my father, a life-long alcoholic. But I made peace with my father, and he had a great support from his community at his funeral. It was very comforting to experience these strangers (to me) coming out to his memorial service. In contrast, my mother would not allow any emotional conversersations during her terminal illness, and very much manipulated what we talked about, right to the end. There was one non-family attendee at her funeral, and I have never yet been able to visit her grave. I drive by it all the time.It is very hard to forgive someone who does how your mother did. With me both parents where abusers really. And both of them did this "right to the end" without any insight or regret and without any efforts to change this. Quite the opposite. This was right until the very last minute before i terminated all relations. The same goes for my older brother.
@Torrid, i have experienced similar. The fact that folks "fluctuate" in between complete and utter denial and almost complete denial shows me that they are not as rigid as one might think they are and therefore not innocent victims of their conscience. Talking about sending mixed messages/unpredictable behaviour. (damn spelling! how is this done again? ^^)
I believe they do make a more or less conscious decision to stay in denial and ignorance, or less frequently to move out of it.
Refractory atypical double depression, severe
Social Anxiety disorder, moderate
(C)Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, severe
ADD, inattentive, mild
Wellbutrin 112.5
poster:Lamdage
thread:987213
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110511/msgs/988777.html