Posted by torrid on June 18, 2011, at 20:34:54
In reply to Re: Child Abuse/Familydysfunction.. lets chat » Lamdage, posted by larryhoover on June 18, 2011, at 19:44:11
Larry my mother is still alive and very gilt ridden. She goes to a born again church and says with a strange defiance "I was forgiggen" I respond silently in my head "not by me you havn't". I try to encourage her to forgive herself, by she recoils with denile. She waxes and wans between a defiant denile and guilty self pity. At this point she suffers more then me since I have finally got past the experience of having her as a mother, just in time for menopause too. Decades to took for me to get here.
I just burried my grand mother who in my heart was my mom. It truely was enlightening to see how the entire family looked at her confused by her behavior, she couldn't face anyone and didn't attend the 3 full days of family gaterings, only attending the funeral. Her embarressment of what kind of mother she was to me and what kind of daughter she was to my grandmother. I being raised by my grandmother and me being the only one to take care of my grandmother in her final years, she abandoned us both.
I don't need external validation anymore but validation was all around me as we said fairwell to my grandmother. Perhaps your mother was to guilt ridden to acknowledge what she did to you. I hope you can come to see it that way. If your mother could just have said from her heart, "I'm just so sorry".
poster:torrid
thread:987213
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110511/msgs/988723.html