Posted by Dinah on May 19, 2011, at 8:10:43
In reply to Re: Cautiously re-engaging, posted by Solstice on May 18, 2011, at 9:58:23
I suppose there are some advantages to not being dependent on sometimes less than dependable people who end up hurting you.
But how can they possibly compare to the feeling of safety and warmth from running to mama when you're scared or tired or sad, and having implicit trust that mama will make things, if not all better, then at least bearable. Because most things are bearable in that state of trust and connectedness.
It's all a matter of values. Growing up means a lesser degree of connectedness. Being a grownup, at its root, means an essential aloneness. It's lonely being a grownup. Yes, there are benefits to it. But by my values, all those benefits aren't worth a penny in comparison with the total connectedness of childhood.
Think about the words used to describe the stages of growing up, and the virtues of being grown up.
Perhaps I'm fortunate. Although my mother is completely impossible now, she was a wonderful mother to a very young child. At least in that way she was.
Having said all that, you'd think I *would* enjoy being around others. However, casual social relationships are not actually something I enjoy. For the most part, I don't find that I enjoyed myself afterwards. I might find it wasn't as bad as I thought, and I might be giddy happy from relief that it's over without incident. I don't understand the pleasure that is supposed to come from social chit chat. It ranges from mildly pleasurable to painful. While it's true that the happiest times in my life have been periods where I felt part of a group, there is a huge difference between feeling really and truly part of a group and being in a group of people.
But I suppose I'll let him push me and see if I'm wrong.
poster:Dinah
thread:985589
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110511/msgs/985698.html