Posted by itsmeshorti on May 7, 2011, at 12:47:57
Hello All,
I am new to sthis site as a poster. I have come to this site many times and read the advice given, it has been very helpful.I have been seeing a therapist for 6 weeks now, for depression, anxiety, panic attacks, suicidal thoughts. I am no longer feeling suicidal. The depression is lifting I feel I am making great progress in therapy. I feel like I have found the right fit. Like this lady can help!
On Monday I shared with my T that I had sexual feelings for her. We talked about it and I undersatnd this to be transference, I do not actually have a crush on her. She said she was ok with it. She said she was ok with me using her as a vehicle to recovery. LOL
So on Thursday I went for my regular apt. I am going out of town next week, so I told her I wanted to have a gentle session. I did not want to dig into the bad stuff. She said to me that people do not come to therapy to talk about the good stuff we have to dig into the bad stuff to get to the good stuff. It made me mad. I was very let down she has always come through for me before. I think she thought I wanted to come back just to see her. Nope I stopped the transference since I did not want it to interrupt therapy. (I didn't tell her that, didn't have a chance). I thought she may be trying to push me out of therapy. I'm so afraid she is going to tell me she can't help me anymore. --- Probably just my thinking, but it feels real.
My issue now is I am feeling abandoned, let down. I really want to talk to her to know she is not going to abandon me I feel like we made real progress and I want to keep moving forward. I do not want to sit with this for 2 weeks. She has told me before I can call anytime thoughts become overwhelming. She has made emergency appointments for me before. I would only be able to go in on monday before my trip. But I do not want her to think I am only calling to see her or that I have become too dependant.
I can already feel myself starting to push her away, if she can't continue with me. One of the issues I need to work on. Yes I have deep trust and abandonment issues. From my past which we are working on.
So my questions are should I make the appointment? I have never e-mailed her before with issues I do not think she is ok with it. Should I try to work through this on my own?
poster:itsmeshorti
thread:984799
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110324/msgs/984799.html