Posted by toetapper on March 23, 2011, at 12:53:04
In reply to People who've lost faith in therapy, posted by Tabitha on March 23, 2011, at 1:54:40
Ill take a stab at it.
I started therapy 22 years ago at age 32. For 17 years I went in and out of therapy and on and off meds in half a dozen cities with a dozen different Ts, at a total cost north of $100k. Ive tried every single form, system and med there is because, to paraphrase Sig, [we] would gladly do anything to alleviate the suffering.
Along the way I had Ts who were habitually late, ate full meals during session, answered phone calls AND knocks at the door, videotaped me without my knowledge or consent, routinely fell asleep, retroactively billed an entire year at a new rate, required a $2500 retainer to book an appt (which had to be replenished at the $500 mark), divulged confidential information to a mutual friend at a cocktail party (trust me, they gossip about us!), physically restrained me in an attempt to kiss me, and one actually did totally and completely drop off the face of the earth, taking my medical records with her, so I couldnt even transition to another T in their practice.
I also achieved some genuine milestones over the years.
But after a catastrophic termination in 2005 I said enough, and have come to several conclusions since then:
1) I am capable of observing my own discomfort, and in many cases identifying its roots. Im pretty good at recognizing (and accepting responsibility for) what Im bringing to the table, though at times what to do with it once I get there is a different matter entirely...
2) Every single relationship in my life is driven by transference, there is absolutely nothing magical about the T relationship in that regard. In fact, in my opinion, our willingness to ascribe magical qualities to our Ts often ends up sharpening the sword on which we inevitably fall.
3) Every single T is flawed; it stuns me sometimes how absolutely determined clients/patients/cases are to not allow their Ts to be flawed human beings.
4) I acknowledged, then accepted, that I will never be a happy, carefree, normal person, and thats okay. I dont say that with resignation, quite the opposite actually.
If the idea is to employ a T to assist one in learning how to regulate emotions, respond to criticism/rejection/disappointment, move beyond a trauma, or heal an abuse, Im not sure who is served by wanting the T relationship to be an absolutely-perfect and/or never-ending parental, personal or intimate relationship. Its simply not possible, even if youre willing to open your wallet wider still.
I understand there is a vast continuum between psychology and physiology in treating depression, and a broad spectrum of circumstances that lead people to gladly do anything to alleviate the suffering -- everyones problem AND solution is different.
For me, that meant recognizing the best way to learn how to move in this world I find so damned uncomfortable and unwelcoming was to learn how to deal with the people and circumstances actually in my life, not from the relative isolation of 45 min in an office, where T issues sometimes choked off MY issues. Do I still hurt? Yeah, I do. Some days a LOT. And some days I wish I had someone I could run to. But the rest of the time Im glad to be free of it.
poster:toetapper
thread:980953
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110206/msgs/980984.html