Posted by Annabelle Smith on December 27, 2010, at 15:38:30
My Babblebreak didn't last long. I already needed to come back. I need the support right now from you guys. I was getting support through email conversations with a group called the Samaritans.
It was really helpful and enabled me to get through the past few days during the holidays and away from my therapist. But I have written too much to them. Their last response was short and I could tell, trying to wrap it up. I really opened up my heart and told them some honest things in my last email to them; I think I am really bad because their response was exactly what I would expect, though not hope for. Basically, it seemed dismissive-- we hear you are in pain and are struggling; these questions of meaning, self, God, and truth are things that everybody wrestles with (i.e. you are no different and aren't really suffering, you are just going through a "phase").
I relied upon typing to them my heart every day. And now that is gone. Their last response was this:
"Sharing emotions and feelings with others and trying to understand why you are affected by them can be helpful." There is nobody to f-ckin share them with! I feel like I am going crazy. Nobody believes me. Everyone expects me to do this all alone. I feel cosmically alone.Does everybody feel this way? Am I (or those of us on here) different? Does borderline personality disorder make you experience the world differently? I feel awful. Suicide often feels like the only way out-- but these feelings come and go. I am fake to everyone; yet, I feel like I have no reason to feel wrong. Also, I am so obsessed and attached to my therapist. He doesn't know that it is to such a high degree. I feel so lost and chaotic.
I wish someone could help me and save me.
poster:Annabelle Smith
thread:974904
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20101115/msgs/974904.html