Posted by Annabelle Smith on November 18, 2010, at 20:29:45
In reply to Re: an eternity, posted by Solstice on November 17, 2010, at 22:39:37
I feel really bad right now. I had my session, and it didn't go well. Here is the block of time and my therapist, sitting there and kindly and patiently waiting for me to start-- and I can't. I waste the first 20 min and finally have him read part of the original post. We talked some about idealization and attchment, but I could not feel present in the room. Disconnected-- from my emotions, from the present interaction, and even from my own thoughts and words. All of what I said was received kindly and with compassion and understanding. But, I think I forced the entire discussion. I chose to discuss this thing that makes me feel the most embarrassed and bad. And I couldn't be present for the conversation.
I feel like I sabotaged our session.
I have to go home for Thanksgiving over the next week, and won't be back for a session until two weeks. When each session ends, it feels like a new death, like I have to figure out how to say good-bye over and over again. And each time a session begins, it feels like I am meeting someone I haven't seen in months (partly true in this case, actually). I need to find ways to grieve and be OK with the absence in between.
I feel very depressed right now. And empty. And alone-- it's a feeling of being absolutely alone.
poster:Annabelle Smith
thread:970565
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20101115/msgs/970714.html