Posted by Solstice on November 17, 2010, at 21:39:18
In reply to Re: an eternity, posted by Annabelle Smith on November 17, 2010, at 18:57:18
> My mind is filled with things to say, and I know I can't get them all out in one session.
I know what that feels like, and it is indeed frustrating. The only way to eat an elephant (an enormous amount of things to say) is one piece at a time, one session at a time.
> I think that my getting worse had to do with the idealization invovled in the therapeutic relationship-- the deepest depression I have ever felt, suicidal feelings that though I had experienced them before, were now constantly present, and a feeling of totally helplessness and dependency. I really want someone to tell me that this also is normal in therapy-- that is, getting worse before getting better.Idealization of one's therapist is very common. The range of idealization will vary. It's hard to know if idealization is genuinely the source of feeling like you were getting worse. It sounds like you're talking about the therapist you just terminated with? If so, is it possible that your downward spiral was due more to his mis-handling of your idealization - than the idealization itself?
> I was afraid to bring it up with my therapist because I was afraid his response would be that we needed to terminate-- but at that point, for me, it was too late. To leave him would feel like a death that I couldn't survive.I'm a little confused, because I'm not sure whether we're talking about the therapist you just terminated with, or the 'old' one you just returned to..
> You say that this intense over-idealization is to be expected by therapists and is common, but I am not sure. I don't think that every person who enters therapy acts and behaves this way.It is common, but that doesn't mean everyone experiences it. Among the many who do, some will experience it intensely, others moderately, and others to an even lesser degree. I think therapy can be Very distressing at times. A guage I learned to go by after a toxic therapeutic relationship, is that I feel 'safe.' My therapist describes it as 'feeling held by the therapeutic relationship.' That dynamic includes feeling understood.. feeling like your therapist is attuned to you, or is making the effort to get attuned if they 'miss' it.. and above all.. feeling unjudged. If the therapist you are seeing has much experience at all, believe me, he has been idealized by many, many clients. It comes with the territory. People come into therapy because they are in pain. They have someone giving them their undivided attention.. leaving them feeling wholly understood.. sometimes for the first time in their lives. Given those dynamics, don't you think most of those clients are going to feel like their therapist is the 'one' who can save them? Who can make them feel heard, understood, valued, 'special'? Who wouldn't idealize that?
> Also, I really don't know if my therapist expects this or not-- I have no idea what he really thinks or knows.I really think your best bet is to talk to him about it. Tell him you feel like you are idealizing him, and that you're worried about it. Tell him it embarasses you, and that your worst fear is that you might be terminated because of it. Then let him respond. I will be absolutely floored if he does anything other than, with a great deal of compassion, let you know that your feelings are normal and understandable, and that you won't be terminated because of them. Getting it out on the table will clear a lot of the anxiety for you because it will no longer be a 'secret' shame, and your seeing that he is at ease with your idealization may even cause it to subside enough to be bearable.
You are Not a freak! You are feeling and behaving like a large percentage of people in therapy feel and behave at some point along the way. Please be kind to yourself. Your goal is to heal.
Solstice.
poster:Solstice
thread:970565
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20101115/msgs/970648.html