Posted by Solstice on November 3, 2010, at 13:57:59
In reply to Re: please help, posted by Annabelle Smith on November 2, 2010, at 20:37:33
Annabelle
Maybe take him a copy of your post to your next session, or email it to him ahead of time. Only way he can help you is if he hears what you're not telling him. Plus, chances are extremely high that you will walk out of there feeling that he really does understand what's going on inside you.. and he'll help you figure out what to do when you're distressed.
That in turn will provide you with a healing experience of your worst fears not taking place. As you experience your relationship with him (but you've gotta be willing to tslk!) reacting kindly toward you, his being able to make you feel safe, heard, understood... those things will make you feel more stable, and over time you'll feel less and less afraid to talk about the things that distress you.
As for between session contact, my therapist and I have a deal where I can send texts or emails any time of day or night. I know I won't get a response the majority of the time - but there have been times where I needed to reach out and feel like I'd contacted my therapist. Since I've experienced T as caring and interested, it's easy for me to perceive that when I send that text or email, it's been received & read, and T is interested and caring. When we meet again, T usually brings up the content of my text or email. Now if my T gets a text from me and it sounds like I'm more distressed than s/he thinks is good, I'm gonna get a phone call from T checking on me.. offering a sooner session, or just talking to me about it for a few minutes. I don't know exactly what it is about that that does it, but there is something about that process that has had profoundly healing properties for me. I should add that I'm not overly high-maintenance. I don't frequently contact T out-of-session - at least not with a tone that is concerning enough to T to provoke a phone call to me. But this process has worked to leave me feeling utterly and safely grounded because I know that I do not have to bear intense distress alone. A few minutes of conversation and hearing a voice that has been part of so many therapeutically healing experiences is often all I need for intense distress to subside.
And for me, being vulnerable to high distress seems to come in waves. I will have extended periods where I am functioning well and handling everything just fine. Then, some circumstances will pop up that throw me back into an unbearably painful place (kinda PTSD-ish), and I'll regress into a 'needier' state. I think my T has judged me as more likely to avoid relying on the therapeutic relationship when I'm in my worst distress than behaving in a hyper-needy way. I think that may this arrangement developed between us. I've never had anyone I felt I could rely on, and my 'becoming' attached to T has been a big deal to my T. My T kind of figured out how to make it happen despite my reluctance (like sneaking broccoli into a meal that your kid will eat:).
Anyway, T's are all so different in how (and whether) they can accommodate between-session contact, but that's how mine works.. and maybe you and your T can figure out a way to deal with it when you're in high distress between sessions that works for the two of you. My experience with knowing that my T will NOT leave me stranded and in pain has a side-effect of minimizing my need for between-session contact. I know if I need to 'touch' my T, one way or another it will be there. I think this is part of what my T refers to as the therapeutic relationship itself 'holding' a client.
Solstice
poster:Solstice
thread:966528
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20101023/msgs/968225.html