Posted by Dinah on November 2, 2010, at 0:06:13
In reply to Re: please help, posted by Annabelle Smith on November 1, 2010, at 18:24:42
I agree with Emmanuel. You expressed your feelings very well in this post. You should bring it to him.
The thing is that we all have a fantasy for the people around us to understand us without having to explain. To read our minds. To know what to do or not do without our having to tell them. For our therapists to hear what we're indirectly saying. To have someone understand us so thoroughly that the division between us and them is so slight that they can have this deep understanding of what we want or need.
It's a wonderful fantasy. But it's not going to happen. And maybe that's not such a bad thing. Learning to express directly how you're feeling and what you need is likely more helpful. The reality is that others aren't in our heads. They don't know what we're thinking. They misread our clues. They hear what we don't say. They just don't hear what we are trying not to say, they hear their own interpretations.
Acting out what you want to say has even less of a chance of being effective communication. Yes, I understand the impulse. I still get it at times when I feel my therapist is minimizing my pain. When I feel like he's telling me I can deal with it, that I've dealt with it in the past. I get the desire to show him that I can't deal with it, that he's wrong not to take my pain seriously.
But if I were to act out to express myself, he *would not* understand what I was saying. He'd likely hear something completely different. The impulse to act out isn't "bad". It's just that acting out is a really ineffective means of communication.
Bring in your post, and let your therapist help you. He can only help you if he understands. He'll only understand if you explain it. Very explicitly at times. Or at least with my therapist I have to really spell it out sometimes. :)
The fantasy is wonderful. The reality can be nice in its own way, when you learn to convey your needs with words, and have at least some of them met.
poster:Dinah
thread:966528
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20101023/msgs/968014.html