Posted by violette on September 6, 2010, at 23:12:26
In reply to questions for violette, posted by g_g_g_unit on September 6, 2010, at 2:59:37
Hey ggg,
I'm glad to help you out...i was pretty much where you are about a year ago...i so understand what you are going through and what you're saying in your second post.
It shouldn't matter whether or not you have axis I ADD to take a stimulant, imo. It's kind of odd this is such a big deal with your therapist-but i could understand if she is concerned about psychosis and different PA type therapists have different opinions about patients taking meds-but is she ok if you take ADs, but not a stimulant? I would be concerned if that is the case...
I started to get pseudo-psychosis only after being in PA therapy, and I had taken stimulants, it never made a difference as it only comes out during emotional affect states-and appeared whether or not i was taking the stimulant (don't take them any longer and this symptom hasn't changed). True psychosis would be a different story...
Disclosure-I would withhold the least amount of information possible..for your benefit...but don't force yourself if you are too scared...i think it's important to build trust/alliance first.
Anyway, my advice to you, to get yourself organized, to help you deal with your fears and to find out whether or not you have ADD:
1. determine your temperment/cognitive style- object relations; how you were as a young child and what defense mechanisms you used then
2. determine your self-state (1, 2, or 3 below); read self/ego psychology
3. determine your attachment style-read attachment theory
4. determine your current defense mechanisms-read general object relations-find out which one's differ from those you used as a child
5. make sure you have the right type of therapistps i just made all this up
Your cognitive problems and OCD anxiety could be related to any of the above...for example, see if your OCD anxiety is more related to attachment-does it come out related to relationships? (did it increase since you started seeing this therapist, for ex.?). if it has, your ADD can be a symptom of your attachment style. Or is it always there regardless of relationships? ADD symptoms can be related to all sorts of axis II, temperment/biological, or attachment...impulse control issues, attachment-related OCD anxiety, OCPD traits, Schitzotypal, or emotional dysregulation can be 'ADD', just some examples. Forgetting dates/times can be related to attachment fears/addressing distressing emotions or passive-agression (not being able to express anger outward). It still happens to me, and i usually link it back to something specific...
You don't sound schizoid at all, silly! Sounds like you have the traits of those of us who had narcissistic mothers...it's basically a disorganized attachment (though one can have stronger preference for avoidance etc); there really is no diagnosis that describes 'it' except c-ptsd (which says the patient usually presents with multiple PD traits)..but the common features of this attachment issue are all the things you described. And if you read object relations/psychoanalytic theory, there really is little about 'c-ptsd', so that dx is pretty useless..as with reading 'traits' of DSM diagnoses.which is why looking at 'PD traits' in object relations is useful..I understand what youre saying-in your 2nd posteveryone has some 'PD traits'; there's a range and some of those traits are actually healthy if used temporarily...attachment explains a lot, and looking at your defense mechanisms can be very helpful, comparing what you used as a child vs now can help you determine your temperment...
I found from reading and talking to others-that people with the set of symptoms you describe often had a narcissistic mother-and it's almost as if we were stamped out of cookie cutters...with some variations based on temperment...i can't say what your mom is/isn't like, but i always wondered if this is your issue too...as you sound so much like this 'subgroup' I found w/similar symptoms but do not have 'borderline'...anyway the primary traits associated with insecure attachments, disorganized type is esp. related to having N mothers...seem to be those listed below (can be conscious or unconscious..)Which are traits are associated with many of the PDsso that may explain some of your confusion.
-low self esteem
-fearfulness/intimacy avoidance
-sensitivity, i.e. criticism
-weak or unstable sense of self
-abandonment fears/intimacy avoidance
-dependency issues-emotional dysregulation (often can be in context with relationships/attachment figures, i.e. avoidance/numbness, ocd anxiety, GAD, amotivation, impulse, or other affect - or - if consistent pattern, could be more related to overall temperment)
The "i don't need people' defense is common with those with childhood trauma histories; i would only include that as part of a PD if it has been consistent, because if not, it may likely be due to attachment issues....
Aside from those who express as borderline/less ego strength (and might have to use DBT to manage symptoms) I don't think any other therapy 'works' for this aside from psychoanalytic therapy...is your therapist strongly PA? It seems she may have broke through your defenses, which is why this is surfacing...but then again, some of the stuff she said/is doing sounds odd..I would only consider a T be 'psychoanalytic' if they 1. went through a formal PA program (or at least most of it) 2. did their own analysis. Many Ts are eclectic these days, and that may benefit people, but if you have an attachment issue, i would not use a T who wasn't strongly analytic, and esp. not one who did not undergo their own analysis...and for attachment issues, experience is a must. If you do have 'axis I OCD', i agree the CBT could help.
There are so many views of 'narcissism' out there, with every new researcher trying to rewrite or reorganize iteventually, everyone will be a narcissistbut i don't think anyone who feels 'guilt' should get a dx of narcissist-whether covert or overt. often a child of a narcissistic mother adopts traits of 'co-narcissism' which often = histrionic..which only in some ways = covert narcissist..but there are many differences as many are fearful/sensitive/overly empathetic; many children become little parents to tend to the needs of the N parent-people pleasers (histrionic-dependent/appeasing type). Youll drive yourself crazy trying to explain yourself through the dx you were givenI found it to be much simpler for us laypeople to look at it this way:
1. narcissist = strong, consistent, false sense of self
2. histrionic = consistently weak sense of self
3. borderline = unstable, oscillating sense of self
So those are the 3 basic states of self I go byIf you think you are more #1, then reading about narcissism might be helpfulPeople with narcissistic mothers seem to be #2 or #3 though...also, narcissism whether covert or overt traits are very close to avoidant and OCPD traits..which often get mistaken for 'narcissism'all 3 = low self worth. And more men get dx narcissism; women, histrionic or borderline...
If you think you are #2 or #3, i'd totally ignore the covert narcissist dx....and also, depression is a symtpom of all 3....
I think your fear of schizoid is a symptom of your anxiety!!
I'm doing well, thanks. Much better that I am not obsessively reading about psychology anymore! Still distracting myself from fears, but my interest in reading about this stuff is way down..thanks to my therapist recently kicking me in the *ss...and you might be less interested too one day, once you are able to face all your fears.
These are all just my opinions, but i hope it helps in some way!! good luck!
poster:violette
thread:961450
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20100831/msgs/961529.html