Posted by Dinah on April 3, 2010, at 17:46:31
We've been discussing my emetophobia this week. (Fear of vomiting) I was sick last week for the first time in over eighteen years. My husband was great, and it made me feel ashamed of how not great I am when he's sick or when I have him take over when my son is sick. My type isn't the kind where I'm afraid being sick myself. I'm terrified of others being sick around me. I obsessively scan my surroundings. It gets to where it's more OCD than phobia even.
I think yesterday is going to end up as being one of those sessions where there is such a quantum shift in my way of viewing a major issue in my life, that it is like the earth has moved under my feet.
I had brought in some stories off the internet of emetophobia, and mentioned how one running theme of early origins was a situation of feeling trapped someplace while a sibling or parent or classmate was sick. But another theme was shame and silence. My parents, like many parents, just didn't believe when I said that I was doing what I was doing because I was afraid someone would throw up. That I didn't want to go to school or to church or wherever because I was afraid of someone being sick. That I was afraid to sleep at night because my brother might be sick in the adjoining bathroom. So it became this huge taboo thing to mention, and I'd make up all sorts of fake excuses because no one believed the real reason.
Something I said at the end of session made it really come home to me how much this was still a major part of the issue. That the fear is a problem but its not the main problem. The main problem is the taboo, and shame, and covering up my fear, and trying to act normal. Thats what makes the fear assume such enormous proportions. If I just can learn to be open about being afraid, a lot of the problems I cause myself will be lessened. And *maybe* *eventually* the fear itself will lose some of its power. Because shame and secrecy no doubt feed the phobia and make it so much bigger and stronger than it might be otherwise.
I realized that one of the most shameful and horrible memories I have of my fear didn't need to have happened, if I had just been honest and communicated.
It hadn't even occurred to me. The habit of covering up my shameful phobia was so ingrained that in all the time I spent obsessing over this, just saying I had a phobia about vomit wasn't even an option.
I can't believe how some sessions can be so pivotal in the course of a life. This ranks up there with the session where my therapist helped me change my whole view about sex.
The downside to the session was that my therapist said that if I wanted him to help me with this, I'd have to look up the information on how to do it. Apparently links to emetophobia treatment plans weren't good enough. I am really shaking my head that my therapist isn't willing to put in any extra-session time to learn about something to help a long term client.
poster:Dinah
thread:942048
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20100303/msgs/942048.html