Posted by pegasus on January 29, 2010, at 9:24:14
In reply to Re: babsitter with 'mental health diagnosis' » pegasus, posted by fleeting flutterby on January 28, 2010, at 17:10:07
Oh, wow, flutterby, I'm so sorry to have triggered you so much. I completely understand how this could be alarming to you. And it gives me a whole different perspective on the situation.
If it makes you feel more safe, I'd like to explain some things about my daughter and myself and our relationship. I'm pretty savvy and alert (I like to think) to the possibility of abuse. I used to volunteer at an agency that helped families touched by child abuse, so I've been through lots of training in recognizing the signs. I have done some work myself with clients who have a history of abuse, so I appreciate how serious and ubiquitous and insidious the issue is.
My daughter is 5, and pretty communicative and opinionated. We discuss regularly how some people do things they should not do, and how I hope she will tell me if anyone does anything she doesn't like. She does often tell me about things she sees adults and kids do, and we talk it through. We talk about how sometimes people tell kids not to tell their parents things, but that no matter what anyone says, she should always feel safe to tell me anything she wants to tell me. And I check in on that with her regularly. I ask her whether anyone touches the private parts of her body (and we discuss clearly which parts those are), and reinforce that no one except her parents and her doctor should. And no one should ever hurt her or anyone else. We talk a lot about that, and she brings up often how kids at school push or hit sometimes (I *think* that's her only experience of being hurt). When we need a babysitter, I always ask her who she'd prefer (we have a couple), and she always chooses this one. I have talked to her about what she does with the babysitter. Her story matches the story of her best friend (and neighbor - the sitter often has the two of them at the same time) about what they do. I've come home quite early several times, and they always seem to be having fun. So, I really am pretty confident that nothing bad is happening with this sitter.
But, as you say, sometimes the parent would be the last one to guess. I know how sometimes people choose to be blind to signs of things that they couldn't stand to face.
And, then, anyway, last night the sitter was a no show. For the first time in two years. With everything else, we're definitely looking for new sitters. I am going to try to find her probation officer (if there is one - my guess is yes), and talk to them. I learned last night that the "officials" who said she shouldn't babysit are 1) a school administrator, and 2) some law enforcement-related person that has something to do with her drug charge. So, it's not CPS or DSS or anything related to kids. Whew!
Maybe this will be a learning experience for my whole family. Maybe there will be something we can do to help her, aside from hiring her to sit. She feels like a member of the family in some ways, and it's heartbreaking to think of her being so troubled. But, as you all point out, I need to make sure my daughter is safe, above all else.
Thanks so much for putting so much into your post, flutterby. I appreciate it from my heart.
PEg
poster:pegasus
thread:935139
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20100128/msgs/935314.html