Posted by Verloren on January 17, 2010, at 21:47:48
In reply to Re: I'm back, posted by Willful on January 17, 2010, at 9:48:09
Hi Willful
I am back. I have my laptop with me now and a few other personals, so it feels a little like home. (but not by much)
I've been trying to be on chat mostly and keep my attention focused.
I was supposed to help clean in the basement today but took a nap instead. Not what I was supposed to do, but it felt good at the time.
Thank you for your supportive words. I agree with what you said,
"you're doing the most mature and responsible thing you possibly can-- working for the long term, and putting aside some of your more immediate needs. And maybe over time, your relationship with your T can evolve to be more satisfying-- and to meet more of your emotional needs."
That's so true. I feel so torn having to ignore what I want and believe I need right now. I want to get "better" so fast just to get back to my T, but I don't want to end up lying to myself and just pretending to get better. I have so much worry. Will she be there when I get back, Will she have time in the schedule for me, Will something have happened to her and her demeanor has changed, Will she refer me to someone else again? I know, I'm likely worried for nothing, but that's all part of the illness; unreasonable thoughts.
Any tips on how to know if I am really improving or if I am just trying to convince myself that I am so I can get back to her sooner?
I feel so disturbed sometimes. And my cousin's kid keeps looking at me like I'm going to flip out or something any moment. I wish she would stop that. I'm not violent, I'm sad.
-Verloren
poster:Verloren
thread:933546
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20091212/msgs/934124.html