Posted by workinprogress on December 15, 2009, at 0:19:43
In reply to 'we'll never know why your mother,,,', posted by rnny on December 14, 2009, at 22:56:34
Rnny-
I think this is a tried and true example of an often repeated phrase here at babble. Sounds like something you should talk to you T about. Often these discussions are so helpful to not only clarify what is going on "in the room" but also, if the T is good- helpful practice for conversations outside of the room.
It's likely your T had only good intentions and didn't mean to be hurtful or dismissive, but the fact is that she was. You FEEL hurt and dismissed. She didn't do that on purpose (I'm guessing" and unless you share, she won't know. I don't know exactly what her intentions were or what she meant by what she said... and a great way to find out is to ask.
Regardless, I'm sorry you felt dismissed by your T, that must have hurt quite a bit, especially when discussing something so painful and clearly impactful in your life. I hope that you get some resolution...
xo
WIP> I was describing to T some extremely damaging behavior on the part of my mother. T is aware of a couple of diagnoses my mother has. So when describing my mother's behavior I was rather shocked when T said, "we'll never know why your mother has acted that way...let's focus on you in the here and now and what you can do to help yourself". I considered her statement, "we'll never know why your mother..." to be something one might say to someone who may not listen very well. I listen to every word and the truth is I think we can very clearly see and understand why my mother was engaging in the behavior at hand..mental illness. I felt brushed off with a statement such as "we'll never know...about your mother" as if she didn't want to listen to me talk any more about my mother's behavior and was trying to manipulate me into changing the subject. I needed to talk about my mother's unusual ways and as someone with a PhD in clinical psychology I think it is pretty clear it was mental illness I was describing, not something "we'll never know about" concerning my mother. I take what I was saying about my mother very seriously. And I take what the T says literally. Do you think that statement was a kind of way of saying, "Let's move on, I have heard enough about your mother"? I think when a T knows a person's mother has a severe mental illness that was never treated and the client (me) is describing some of the behavior, the T knows darn well why the person (my mother in this case) was acting that way! And I don't like a glib remark as if I am talking too much about a subject she isn't interested in hearing about. Feedback please. Thank you.
poster:workinprogress
thread:929286
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20091212/msgs/929301.html