Posted by MadelynRose on September 28, 2009, at 12:24:36
I was in long term therapy which really never really helped me much. I went out of habit, but it was psychoanalysis and for me (suffering from ptsd and depression)it just made things worse. I asked for cbt after a while, but the T took it personally and thought I was just resisting his methods. I guess I was, afterall, I was making no progress. I kept telling him I was depressed and he just kept focusing on the issues from early childhood that led to the ptsd. Well, after years, I realized I wasn't going to heal this way, and little fiascos developed in our relationship, they turned to big ones. I had invested so much time that I felt I couldn't quit. Well, I quit over a year ago. But....since then I have not been able to get over the negative fallout from the relationship ending badly. I also haven't been able to forgive myself for staying on in a treatment that made me worse, when I knew better. I just didn't know what to do or how to get out of it, I felt ashamed and guilty for my lack of progress. So now I feel I wasted years on this kind of therapy. One year, I came across the book Feeling Good by David Burns. Just reading it made me feel better, I felt hope for the first time that I could maybe heal. I mentioned it to my T, and all he said was "that will help other people, but not you with your problems". I felt so hopeless. I know it was the right decision to leave, but my issues are that I feel like a therapy failure. I can't afford therapy anymore. I did make an effort a few months back to try to find a therapist within my insurance plan that practices CBT, but when I called, there wasn't one that mainly did it. I don't think I was a 'resistant' patient. I think my T theories didn't fit for me. I have come to believe that a couple of my bad memories were not 'fresh froze' in time as I was told. Spending years trying to remember something that the T says is clearly in my mind was damaging to me. I know now from my own insight that a particular memory was not formed well because at the time I was so stressed out, I didn't even form the dang thing! I know this is long, I'm not looking for a new therapist, I'm looking for some input about how to move on emotionally after such a bad therapy experience. I dream about it and ruminate about it, when I just want to move on and not beat myself up over it anymore. Thanks for listening whoever all of you are.
poster:MadelynRose
thread:918829
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090907/msgs/918829.html