Posted by Dinah on July 21, 2009, at 12:34:44
In reply to :-(, posted by Dinah on July 21, 2009, at 12:25:17
In talking to him today I did see some glimmers of historical context.
When I was very little, no matter how many other changes there were in my life, my mother was a constant, and represented safety to me. She may have caused a lot of those changes, and with others she may have been as nuts as she is now, but with me she was my safe mamma. That all changed right around the time so many other things went south in my life. My mother only really likes very little kids. When they get to be ten or so, they are less interesting to her. And since I had so much upheaval in my life that I suddenly wanted very different things than she did, it was more abrupt a severance than would ordinarily have happened.
So much happened then that I really went into hiding, so for so many years, the real me wasn't really living, just existing. Something about my therapist made me feel safe again. He thinks it is his tolerant nature and patience. I think he just emits slow deep waves of energy. Or maybe he just somehow felt or smelled like my mama. That part of me that went into hiding peeped out and engaged the world again.
So...
Rather literally, the loss of the safety that was my mother (combined with many other things of course) resulted in the end of my existence (as I was then). That part of me only resumed a meaningful life when I felt safe with my therapist. So to some extent to me loss does equate with annihilation.
I'm not sure how that helps me...
(Plus it only explains him. The phenomenon is not limited to him. I either don't attach much at all, or I attach like a leech. So it doesn't explain the other attachments.)
poster:Dinah
thread:907223
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090706/msgs/907751.html