Posted by sunnydays on July 16, 2009, at 17:23:26
I don't know if this is a trigger post or not, so I just put one up there. I don't go into detail or anything, but it might be for someone.
Today, unexpectedly I ended up talking with my T about my sexual fantasies. I think that there is something very bad and wrong about them, and it took me a while to just tell him the general content of my fantasies. When I would say things like, "You have to still be there when I say this," by saying, "Absolutely, whatever it is, I'll be here." He really emphasized the whatever.
I managed to tell him. And then he talked a lot about how normal it was and how it was perfectly fine. And he asked was this what I was referring to earlier when I said I thought I was a bad person? I said yes. And he said it wasn't bad at all. He said that he's heard all sorts of fantasies that people have, and he actually told me some general things about them, I think to tell me that whatever it is I think about, it's not weird.
He asked me some questions to get a little more specific (I was very general to begin with). Thankfully they were all yes or no. I'm not sure I could have said anything besides that. And he said he wants to talk about this more (eeeek!). He actually said, "I'm looking forward to talking about this more." He said that he thinks I have a lot of thoughts that I judge myself harshly about, and that with talking about this, we could figure it out.
I'm so embarrassed that I talked about this. And I'm scared he's going to think differently about me now and that he won't care about me anymore. And I don't think that's true, but I'm not sure. I emailed him, so hopefully he'll email me back tomorrow (I don't expect he'll get it today, but maybe tomorrow).
Uggh. I know this will help in the long term, but in the short term it's soooo anxiety-provoking and scary.
sunnydays
poster:sunnydays
thread:907117
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090706/msgs/907117.html