Posted by FindingMyDesire on May 8, 2009, at 0:48:56
The topic of web surfing for our Ts is an old one. I'm not trying to start that one up again (unless others want to take it there which would be fine, of course.) I just saw her today and I'm not going to see her for a week and I REALLY NEEDED MORE THAN 50 MINUTES. It just wasn't enough. She left me a message for me to listen to this week, but it's REALLY, REALLY not enough. I am trying to just acknowledge the feeling, let it pass through, know this is all a "process" and try not to judge myself. But I ACHE. I was too comfortable in the last two sessions! I didn't talk enough about my attachment to her and now I feel like I NEED that discussion in order to feel attached! Does that make sense to anyone?
I so desperately want to see her Twitter account, Facebook account, ANYTHING. (I assume she has such things all protected, btw. It was just that one crazy night when I was miscarrying and she was ON VACATION that I did a hardcore search for her and found stuff. The only thing I have done since then is steal her Twitter profile pic - what is it? 2x4 pixels - haha - for my iPod.)
Anyway, I told her no more surfing. Not cause she was telling me not to, but just cause I actually don't want to find "stuff" out about her that way. I just want more connection. I need a hug really. From her. A really Super Tight Hug that tells me she trusts me, is here for me, and that she cares. No, that says she LOVES me.
She said she cares about me on the message. It means SO much to me that she says that. But now I want her to tell me she loves me. Why can't "cares about me" be enough? Why can't that carry me till next week? Man, even my palms hurt. I just WANT her and I don't even knows what that means. *sigh*
FindingMyDesire
poster:FindingMyDesire
thread:894732
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090421/msgs/894732.html