Posted by MollieQ on April 26, 2009, at 9:45:38
In reply to My Therapist is dying..., posted by CharlieGrll on April 25, 2009, at 22:09:10
((((((((((((Charlie Grll))))))))))))))
My hear goes out to you. The terminal illness of someone who is one of our primary attachments is one of the most stressful and painful experiences we humans can face. Of course you know this, having lost both of your parents. I am so sorry.
The fact that this is your T, who has played such a central role in your life for so many years, is especially challenging. You cannot be there with his family, although you remain part of his life and therefore remain in his mind. Your T is incredibly courageous to be able to confront his illness in a way that allows him to help you come to terms with his illness. I'm so impressed that he is allowing you to get information about his condition from his family. Feeling informed must help you deal with the inevitable anxiety. Plus it is a lovely way for him to show you how much you mean to each other. He sounds like a wonderful T.
As far as taking care of you, you've done the first thing on the list - reach out to other people. Babble is here pretty much 24/7 and although you won't get replies around the clock (and don't be discouraged if the rate of response varies, it's less about your post as about other posters' real life activities and commitments at the time), you can post as often as you need to. And be as open about your thoughts and feelings as you need to be. This board is a place where what you are going through will be understood deeply and in a way that others just won't get.
I've not looked this up yet, because it just occurred to me, but I'm pretty sure there are short-term MH professionals who specialize in patients with terminal diseases. They also are responsive to the needs of the survivors - family, close friends, and other important relationships. Such a service might be very helpful to you. You might try getting in touch with the national or state groups (e.g. APA) for psychologists, social workers, etc for leads. Many years ago I had a young psychiatrist who I saw for a short while but liked very much. I later heard this person later specialized in therapy for terminally ill cancer patients and survivors (thanatology?). And there are of course grief specialists. Cancer groups and hospices might be able to point you to someone who specializes in this. If whoever you find appears not to "get it" as to why you are so distressed, seems unempathic, just walk away and look for someone else because that is the wrong person. You need someone who really understands this particular experience and can help you through with support and undrstanding. Such short-term support could help get you through the acute stages and help you handle the first intensity of your grief. It never ceases to amaze me that there are so many wonderful people out there who are so compassionate and willing to help others deal with death and dying, a topic that is met with such avoidance in our culture.
Also short-term, make sure you are vigilant with all the self-care steps you can take for yourself. Try not to let depression take root in the face of your grief. You may remember what worked best (or not) when your parents died. Take care of your body, make time for recreation, use distraction, try to find fun where you can. Get involved in activities, especially those that let you do satisfying or fun things with other people.
I'll stop here because hopefully your T will recover from the immediate physical crisis and be back out of hospital soon and able to meet or talk with you again by phone. Dinah's suggestion about getting names of T's that he thinks might suit you over the longer-haul seems particularly important. You may or may not want to do long-term work with another T, but you may need support for the months (or more) that it may take to process the loss of your T. There are others on Babble, e.g. 10derHeart and TherapyGirl (forgive me - I know there have been others) , who have struggled with the loss of a long-term T to retirement. Although this is not quite the same, from their point of view, the ending of that relationship feels like a death. You are not alone in your feelings.
Again, I am so sorry, Charlie Grll. It is so very, very hard to lose someone we love. That is one of the things that makes us human, and sometimes it seems a very high price to pay.
Mollie
poster:MollieQ
thread:892802
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090421/msgs/892843.html