Posted by sunnydays on April 17, 2009, at 19:59:21
Today I had a very disconnected session from my T. I hate those. My feelings were hurt at the beginning when I mentioned a dream that I had brought up in an email I sent him. It was a big deal for me because it was the scariest dream I have had in a really long time. And then he didn't remember it at all. And I did manage to bring it up with him and he admitted he didn't remember it. My feelings were hurt and I was angry. We had also had a very abrupt ending at the last session and that was still hurting and I was angry.
I was able to talk a little about what was going on with me and to say that I felt like I needed more from him than I was getting. He was very understanding and said that he was proud of me for saying that. We talked about a bunch of stuff. I just never felt connected the whole session. And then of course I had to leave again. And I said, "How am I supposed to do this again for another week?" and he said, "Well, you can call and email. But I don't really have a solution for you on that one either." And that's a caring thing to say, but he just didn't have the same feel in his voice I was hoping for. And at the end of the session I felt like he was frustrated about something, and he said, "I'm frustrated by the constraints that are present, I guess. I hate to see you living like this." We've been talking about how I feel like I can't see him enough and how I feel like I'm not getting to all the stuff I need to talk about.
I don't know. I'm hurting and I want to call him but I don't know what to say. Do you think it's ok to call him just because I want to feel connected? I'm just scared because he's inconsistent on the phone - sometimes he's wonderful and spot-on, and sometimes he gets too much into problem-solving mode and it's terrible. I don't know. I hate this feeling.
I want to feel special to him. And we talked about this today. And he never once actually said I was special. We talked about how important it is to me to feel that way, but he never actually said one way or the other if I am special. I'm sad.
sunnydays
poster:sunnydays
thread:891304
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090328/msgs/891304.html