Posted by SLS on March 10, 2009, at 8:16:34
In reply to Re: long term therapy, posted by yellowbird01 on March 9, 2009, at 21:25:49
> Its been a month since my breakup now and I'm doing okay... better than I thought I would be doing at this point..
That might be because you have been honest with yourself and others and have done some real work to move away from the old and on to things that are new.
> but I'm not sure I've completely accepted that it's over yet.
I doubt anyone who understands human emotions would have expected you to accept such a huge loss in so short a period of time. You will probably find yourself grieving the loss for some time to come. Have you ever seen the following model of grieving? It seems to be useful for many people who are grieving a loss, whether it be of a loved one, a relationship, or simply one's health. People don't really progress through the levels one at a time, though. There is a degree of drifting or jumping between them. For me, I tend to jump between anger and depression when I am not in a place of acceptance.
1. Shock
2. Denial
3. Bargaining
4. Anger
5. Depression
6. Acceptance> Our contact is very infrequent which is probably good.
What do you guys talk about, if I may ask? When my last relationship decayed, I found it much easier and less confusing not to have any contact at all - especially sexual contact.
> I just feel incredibly lonely.
Yes, but after awhile, you can become comfortable with being alone, and you may reach the point when you believe that being alone is genuinely healthier than maintaining any kind of relationship with your ex-.
> He was basically the only person I had regular real-life contact with
I was fortunate in that I had a close friend that I could speak to over the phone on a regular basis.
> and it has been a HUGE loss.
A loss that you will almost certainly grieve.
> The loss of the best friend is probably the hardest part.
I know. However, sometimes an intense relationship with one person can exclude the rest of the world. This tends to prevent the formation of new relationships.
> I need some stability... I need a solid ground to stand on.. for my world to stop spinning a bit.
Does it spin more or less when you are in contact with your ex-?
You can do this alone, you know. Actually, you will be doing it alone, regardless of what relationships you have going on at the time. You deserve the time to focus on yourself and get strong for yourself. You deserve to be stable. You deserve to be happy, and you seem like the type of person who most definitely will be. The capacity is there. You will build your own solid ground and foundation to stand on.
Good luck.
- Scott
poster:SLS
thread:883687
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090227/msgs/884715.html