Posted by DAisym on February 24, 2009, at 0:56:46
I am at a child abuse prevention summit. I feel like I'm in hell. My therapist said to me today, "you are a moth to the flame." We had a phone session, during which I paced around my hotel room crying as I talked. "I can't do this anymore, I need to send someone else to these things." He agreed. And I feel a great weight on me - 1 in 5 children are abused or neglected. That is too many...I can't save this many. He said, "it isn't up to you alone." I think it is, although rationally I know this is just a grandiose fantasy. I told him it was easier when I was in denial. I could be arrogant and above it all - I didn't personalize it - it was just my work.
We talked about this need to understand and make sense out of what happened to me. And tried to decide together if I'm hurting or helping myself. He said by bringing my experience to my work, I'm more human. And I have to learn to handle my counter-transference reactions. But I'm also raw as heck right now, so not to torture myself with "shoulds" and "shouldn'ts."
I only have one more day and I am learning some new things. I just wish I could share my experience more honestly and openly. I just can't do it. As much as I want to, telling is still impossibly painful. I'll get into trouble, I'll die of embarrassment. How can I stand up for kids if I can't even tell my own truth?
I'm ready to be home.
poster:DAisym
thread:882109
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090214/msgs/882109.html