Posted by llurpsienoodle on December 11, 2008, at 18:55:10
In reply to Re: tough week » llurpsienoodle, posted by Nadezda on December 11, 2008, at 15:35:11
> It's good to take the abilify. that should help considerably. And, as others have said, relax, do the things that you know take you away from the world, and give you some release from it all.
>
> How has therapy changed the way you see yourself? You mean by bringing up and focusing your thoughts on the bad memories, experiences, feelings? Or giving you an idea of yourself that somehow contradicts the idea you had for all these years?
>NAd! my brain is dead, woman! I will try my best to respond, but please keep your hopes down :)
My T has always been optimistic and is good at pointing out my strengths. I think he's working on helping me experience men in a different way. Giving me some space to kind of relax and very very gradually let my guard down. Sometimes he makes me mad, like with that joke last week. I brought it up right away at the beginning of last session.
He said-- I bet I know what's coming.
I reminded him of the joke, and told him that it didn't make me feel comfortable, and that it was insulting.
He got kind of serious, quite serious even. abruptly. It was alarming
"Well llurp, this is just one of those things that you're going to have to accept, because I didn't mean to offend you. Sometimes I'm going to say the wrong thing"At this precise moment, his cat walked in, pushing a closed door open. magical! Of course I had to oooh and aahh over the cat, who I haven't seen since he was a tiny kitten. etc etc.
And I didn't really have any desire to continue to seek an apology, when it wasn't apparent that I was going to get one. I did sense a distinct regret and guilt from him-- that he wished he had never said that. But he never actually said "I'm sorry..."
strange.
> (Don't answer if it's not a good day for that-- or not a good month or year. I just wondered. )
>
> Finishing up is hard-- working yourself into the crescendo of activity required for the realization of the thing-- or maybe facing the ultimate moment when it all should-- or you imagine it should-- culminate in some grand or dispiriting way. Maybe?Maybe. I really pushed my mind to the brink, working nearly constantly since Thanksgiving on very thinky stuff. writing paragraphs in the evening, etc. books. articles. procrastination on pbabble...
>
> and besides, you haven't lost control, maybe you felt yourself veer a bit-- but -- you 've taken steps to keep your racing thoughts and leaping marble from shooting too fast and too far off-track. That's a very good thing.
>
> I still say being a bit extreme isn't a bad thing-- as long as you know when, and have the means, to step away from it. Which you;re learning. It's really okay. And you've started on a new path, and made your way down it, which I do think is a really significant thing.
>
> Nadezda
>
>Awww, thank you Nad. I'm still amazed that you and others are noticing and remarking on my progress. It's really encouraging. Thank you :)
I will talk more about therapy soonish. for now I have to watch TopChef.
-Ll
poster:llurpsienoodle
thread:868007
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081205/msgs/868173.html