Posted by llurpsienoodle on December 10, 2008, at 21:43:23
the final week of the semester. I had 5 papers due today and a final exam to write. It's done with though. All finito.
Unfortunately, my mind has slowly been cracking up. I gave a presentation yesterday morning that gave me 15 minutes of shaking in the car in the parking lot afterwards. A classmate gave me a hug. It was a presentation about suicide.
I just keep having these odd thoughts, and things like seeing my cat's face in the car with me. I do a double-take and of course she's not in the car with me. I must be losing my marble. just one. singular. that's all i ever had...
and I can't find words. things like "definitely" or "excitement". Writing all those papers must have damaged my language areas. I feel broken.
Worst of all is that I wrote a very self-disclosing analysis about myself and abuse history and therapy-work and all that stuff as part of the psychoanalysis course I was taking. It was gut wrenching. I dunno if I've ever told my T some of the stuff I was talking about in that paper. It was pretty heavy stuff to process. Mostly the disturbing stuff was the way in which the therapeutic process has changed the way I think about myself in this world. I think of the before and after.
I decided to go back on Abilify, low dose. Since I'm not sleeping well, and I seem to be prone to "sensory disturbances" hm. and racing thoughts, and and and. yeah. not good stuff.
Had a huge moodswing yesterday. EPIC proportions. felt like a true "bipolar moment" ahhh. well, not really, but it certainly wasn't in the realm of "adaptive emotional response".
Okay, I go to bed now. Maybe Santa will come while I'm sleeping.
Oh, and reckless behavior. Saying odd and provocative things in class. Some of them quite hilarious, but I was appalled that *I* was saying them. strange thing, to have a disconnect between mouthg and brain.
nght
ll
poster:llurpsienoodle
thread:868007
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081205/msgs/868007.html