Posted by FindingMyDesire on December 2, 2008, at 23:58:23
In reply to Intense Tranference with my T, posted by OneGoodRoad on December 2, 2008, at 19:32:04
Hi OneGoodRoad,
Welcome! I like your username. :-)I just got back from my therapy session where I brought up a past incidence where I had Googled my T. I still have guilt about it. But it has been a very good stimulator for meaningful work about my intense feelings for my T, my desire to know and love her, but at the same time (for me) not *really* wanting to know these facts. My T used it as an opportunity to talk about how much more able I am to imagine anything about her (while deep in my transference I guess) the less I actually know about the facts of her life. She also emphasized how much I already know of her in relation to me.
When you think about how much you know of your T from your 8 year relationship with her, what does that feel like? How well do you feel you know her?
I'm really, really hoping (as others have said) that your T just had a reaction for some reason and she will be able to come back and meet you for further discussion and an opportunity for connection on this. It is totally normal to Google your T. AND maybe it would be good to talk about why you want to know more while being very, very kind to yourself. I'm not so good at remembering the being kind to myself part so I'm just passing that along. Be gentle with yourself while you are feeling such intensity around your attachment.
I've been seeing my T for 2 years now and I am thick in what feels like obsession too. It is a really, really tough place to be in. AND it seems to be teaching me a lot about myself which is pretty cool.
I'd go for honesty. It's all about the connection and even if there is conflict and it is hard, hopefully it will move past that and further deepen your relationship.
FMD
poster:FindingMyDesire
thread:866324
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081120/msgs/866376.html