Posted by SlugSlimersSoSlided on November 25, 2008, at 13:25:45
In reply to Re: Please don't reject me, I am sorry, posted by Dinah on November 25, 2008, at 8:33:42
Oh Dinah,
I want to respond to everything you have posted but I am kind of overly emotional right now due to hormones and well I just came from my T's this morning. I was sobbing so badly my session went over 20 min and she keeps her boundaries very strict with me. We were talking a lot about stuff you brought up except the internet connection thing.
The revelation this week is that I am afraid of EMDR because it goes through my defenses and I feel and I become upset. My biggest fear of being upset is that I am all alone feeling that pain. Just like childhood or I guess my entire life. I told her through all my sobs that I needed to know she was with me, to sit next to me or something . I didn't know how to ask because of her boundaries. But that is why I am afraid of EMDR, afraid of losing it, while siting there all alone. It reminded me of when my grandfather died, I was at the grave site part, and started to cry and nobody offered to comfort me in any way. This was when I was engaged to my DH and was used to the loving touch, not the distance thing my father's family did. I felt so alone I wanted to disappear.
She ended my session with this healing light thing she has me imagine going through my body as she talks me through it, and this time she tapped alternately my knees gently. I felt so overwhelmed with comfort I still cried but it was happy tears.
My T and I are are going through stuff I have never gone through with either of my first T's. She has been amazing really. She keeps email contact with me, and I can share my poems with her.
I have never experienced therapy like this. She is a holistic T and incorporates things in therapy that for me spiritually is so important.
So I am really raw right now, I can't take any rejection. I feel alone in this world and today when she had me bring others in the room with me to help comfort me (my grandma and my first T), I was overcome with just how alone I am. Everyone I care about it pretty much dead. It hurts more than anything being alone.
Thanks DInah, but you can call me whatever, I think I have had a lot of babble names by now. I can't stop the tears right now, I am so sad.
poster:SlugSlimersSoSlided
thread:865155
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081120/msgs/865200.html