Posted by Tabitha on November 21, 2008, at 3:59:30
I hate that I'm awake this late, feeling stressed and hormonal and moodswingy. I have conflicts with my boss and a coworker right now. Confronted them today and naturally I didn't do it the calm, delicate way my therapist advised. I kind of dumped on my boss. We're pretty close, so it's hard to put the brakes on when I start ranting to him. My behavior wasn't awful, but I've been having a huge shame attack ever since. It is *not ok* for me to make waves in important relationships, says my inner critic. Vehemently.
I hate that it's sooo hard for me to deal with conflict openly. I hate that it's sooo threatening to my equilibrium to be assertive. I hate that I don't notice I object to things til after the fact. I hate that I let my anger build until it spills out into sarcasm and rants. I hate how freakin hard it is to just understand my own feelings and figure out how to act in the world.
Left a message on T's machine just to reach out, not expecting a callback. I hate that my 'safe place' at that moment was just an answering machine.
I'm cycling between anger, tears, wild optimism, and terrible compassion for all humans (except possibly me).
As they say "I feel like I'm dying"
poster:Tabitha
thread:864366
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081120/msgs/864366.html