Posted by Wittgensteinz on November 20, 2008, at 10:04:45
In reply to Re: follow-up..... » Wittgensteinz, posted by twinleaf on November 19, 2008, at 10:24:45
I understand if you'd rather not go into it, but did your previous analyst ever give an explanation why he abruptly ended your treatment - did you ever find out what on earth happened? It sounds like he had a breakdown of sorts - who knows, perhaps you are not his only patient to file a complaint against him over this. Did it come about completely without warning? How long was it before you found your current analyst - how did you go about 're-starting' your analysis. Was it a matter of beginning from scratch? How different are their techniques?
I recall that Annierose also sees an analyst.
My T hasn't really given an explanation for what happened - he has pretty much refused to say more on it, so I have had little choice but to leave it. What he did say was that the evening before that session, he had spoken about me with the new pdoc. I had agreed to let them consult one another on my case. Incidentally, my Pdoc, whom I see purely for meds management, is also an analyst (my analyst is more experienced and well-known - the pdoc knew (of) him already).
The first time I saw the pdoc he specifically asked me if I found Dr. S. too cold - to which I said no. At the time it struck me as a rather pointed question - why not just ask how I found Dr. S in general? I can see why some might find him cold in his manner - he's not overflowing with softness and empathy. I replied that if he were too warm I would find it hard to find him genuine.
As far as I know, during the discussion they had, the pdoc suggested I might have some BPD traits - but my T disagreed - if a diagnosis has to be made, he felt I more likely fitted someone with an avoidant personality disorder.. anyway.. then it made him wonder I suppose. I think I might have some BPD traits - but certainly wouldn't 'qualify' for a full-blown diagnosis, and perhaps I'm a particularly difficult patient to treat - in that I have such trust issues - but not difficult in the sense of someone being manipulative. Anyway, T said that after the phone call he thought to himself "I shouldn't be so lenient on Witti" - I still don't know what he meant by this and I did probe but to no avail. The pdoc also suggested I stop temporarily with the analysis and join a day-patient program for a time - my T again apposed this idea - pdoc has lost interest in this idea too now.
I do notice a change since that session - now he does better at avoiding answering my questions. If I ask him, for example, whether he had a good weekend, he will now answer "yes" or "fine" and leave it at that - before he would usually look in his diary and mention some detail of his weekend. In honesty I mostly asked that question to give myself a little time to collect my thoughts - I cycle to his house and as soon as I arrive we start the session and so I'm usually a little puffed out. It always amused me that he needed to refer to his diary to decide whether he did in fact have a good week(end) and what he even did!
Naturally, it appeals to me that he might have 'intense loving feelings' for me and that's why this came about - but who knows - on my part it would be wishful thinking (and rationally it might not be such a good thing for ones analyst to feel this way about you) - but it could be that he felt my treatment was going off course and he sharply tried to steer it back on track - some revelation through his conversation with the pdoc. He's not going to say what happened in that phone conversation or what happened in his head thereafter. Should I expect him to tell me? Or is it unfair of me to push him on it? There was a session 2 weeks ago where it got to the point where he repeatedly replied "I have nothing more to say on this!" - all I got from him was that what happened was most unusual. At a certain point I said that I didn't know if I could continue my treatment with him with the way things were and he said "well if I'm no longer of use to you, then maybe you should have a good think about it". I felt like he should help try and fix it, but he simply wouldn't.
So since then I've complied and left it and that's helped - it feels semi-back to normal. He's still my rock-solid ally - I still feel the same attachment toward him and I feel his positive regard. I do however also feel like a child with a wound under a plaster - wanting to lift the plaster up and take a peak at it again!
Sorry, I should perhaps have written this in a separate thread.
Witti
poster:Wittgensteinz
thread:863604
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081120/msgs/864153.html