Posted by antigua3 on November 13, 2008, at 10:14:55
In reply to rambling thoughts about attachment, posted by lucie lu on November 13, 2008, at 8:07:49
I agree w/so much of what you said in your post.
I do think the goal is to find the peace/strength w/in ourselves to withstand abandonment, etc. And looking at it from the other person's point of view. I have a tendency to think it's all about me, of course, but when I dig deeper I can now see that oftentimes it isn't about my weaknesses, faults, etc., but the situation of the other person. This was a huge step for me to take, and now I understand it better.
Also, I've never wanted someone to rescue me, or at least not cognitively. I've always vehemently rejected that for some reason. I think it's associated w/shame, that I ought to be able to stand on my own. I don't know why this is, but it's interesting for me to consider.
Your job is to recognize what's going on and to right yourself when it happens. But this doesn't happen overnight, or at least it hasn't for me. I'm much more aware now when things happen and I can right myself quicker, but I can still feel like I've been kicked in the stomach when I don't recognize quick enough what's going on. Practice, practice, practice and then it will become a learned response.
Sometimes I think about those Pavlovian dogs and wonder if w/adequate reinforcement (therapy to us), their minds would have been rewired! I believe in the rewiring theory, and that's why, to me, just "getting" it isn't enough; I have to learn it over time after the getting it.
Glad to see you posting. Hope you're feeling better.
antigua
poster:antigua3
thread:862771
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081104/msgs/862796.html