Posted by Dinah on October 22, 2008, at 21:35:17
In reply to Re: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Therapy Today, posted by happyflower on October 22, 2008, at 21:19:13
lol. Talk about synchronicity.
I've been looking at some ancient Luke and Laura videotapes I made with my very first VCR, and reflecting how very realistic and compelling their love story is. And that while there are some mature and healthy love stories, the vast majority of the most romantic are a case of neurosis calling neurosis. Luke needed badly to love and above all to redeem himself, to be better than what was expected of him, to retain his dignity. Laura, as a child who was "abandoned", needed to be loved. (And even those were based on sound psychological reasons because of their fictional backgrounds. Boy, were those writers psychologists?)
I was thinking how in the best of those love stories, the neuroses would remain stable enough and there would be enough healthy liking and respect to keep the romance alive.
But that in most cases it was less romantic. The dominant person who wishes to be in control marrying a weak person then despising them for that weakness. Or (blush) the person who doesn't want to grow up marrying someone who'll play parent, then resenting their nagging and controlling.
So if you're the person who likes to care for others, and your husband is the person who likes to be cared for, which way did it turn out for you? And does he return the favor in any way? What needs in you does he fill, other than someone to look after?
For me, I think it worked out pretty well. I do like and respect my husband. And he gives to me on lots of levels other than just being the grownup. I give to him too, since while I might not like being grownup, I'm quite used to being a helpful and loving daughter who happily takes care of the grownups in her life in a blissfully symbiotic relationship.
poster:Dinah
thread:858859
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081018/msgs/858867.html