Posted by rskontos on October 20, 2008, at 16:41:18
I guess I should email him about how I feel. I think I released a flood gate. Why now I wonder. When I am in therapy sessions, I refused to let myself cry. So afterwards, that is when I sometimes will lose it.
I wish I could just plug my t into my head sometimes so he could just hear the conversations I have with him directly. They go so much better than the real ones. I say what I need to say in my head but not IRL.
I guess he and I just need years more of me babbling on and on before I can open up. I hope I last that long. Him too. He is already retired.
I think part of me worries he will get tired of waiting. I would. I am tired of waiting on me to get it.
I told him I can't get past a certain point. I think he thinks I know how therapy works. But knowing how it works and being able to cooperate in it is two different things. Or why would therapists need other therapists. Yes I understand how it works and the dynamics. But that is the intellectual side. My emotional side is a child in comparison. Rather a baby. Stunted in my growth. So I am either on emotional and crying or off completely. No grays or levels there.
Well sorry again, for my ramble. thanks for listening.
rsk
i will go back to lurking soon i promise
poster:rskontos
thread:858465
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081018/msgs/858465.html